Posts Tagged ‘white trash’

2017 Predictions

December 31, 2016

mad-as-hell

By Jim Roon, sometime soothsayer

2017 is going to be a very interesting year.  After smoking 3 rocks of crack taking after our beloved AMABO, here are my predictions for 2017. (Jimmy smoke crack and he don’t care–Ed.)

Your house is going to have to be hooked up to the electric grid, you could hope for an EMP plus that’s how they are going to kill 90% in this state.  Load your trunk up with black-market merchandise.  Who needs water to flush a toilet? We will run on compressed air, that really scares all the rats that live in the sewer.  AMABO is going to move to kaliforkina and declare it an independent country which he will then rule over with Shelly, Mudflaps and Sheenequa, but not before establishing the crack corridor.  The third rail will be touched and kill the high speed rail but not before the earthquake that will completely destroy Glass Valley and Shit-hole by the Bay will be flushed out. The underground tunnels will be destroyed and spill out all the reptilians and dulceneans.

The TrumPence will assume the new leadership of Barafrica. They will change Barafrica and free the repressed tribes. We will be going back to Mayberry the small town populated with many confirmed bachelors.  Single males, they are animals.  That’s why when I fill out the forms I put N/A.  I don’t know what I am, so where do I go to the bathroom? In my pants! Unisex pants will become the latest fashion because of its ease of use by security guards in front of cheerleaders and security guards at other locations.  There’s a built in camel-toe in these pants because we have become pussies.  Later in the year, boots will become fashionable again as the ass-kicking starts, episode one ‘the beginnings’.  There will be an economic boom and then a big bust. Stock market manipulations and contusions will lower taxes and increase jobs to repair the kingdom infrastructure. Planned parenthood will be discovered to have defaulted on the Sanger Eugenics foundation and will be ordered to kill more AssStink and Muletoe babies. Regulations will be changed to use pitchforks and shovels, babies will be considered tiny horse-fishes or what’s more commonly known as sea horses, shrimps, prawns–ooh seafood that’s good right about now.  I’ve hankering for some Long John Silvers.   I see lots of people in the Los-Banos-Sinkhole prison; they got an open house for the public Tuesdays and Saturdays.

You are at a certain time and certain place and your school told you how to think they were in compliant with the state otherwise they would be shut down.  Like a cross-dresser, but cross-pollination education. These were public school assistance that went to a private school and they caused my asthma.  Accomplishment is more so with your soul for why you are here and you die. Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher are dead and I predict she will come back as a snake, she did drugs and got high all the time. Was she really a toweley type of person? Is it better to give everything away and live in poverty? Are the rest of us failures? What is accomplishment? It’s hard to push a prius through the asshole of a camel than get into heaven.  We will all see the Time Continuum.  I got in, he had to lie.  I don’t know how this is going to turn out, a lot of f*****s have to go away.  Are they going to have balls? I wouldn’t know as I Am Neutered so speak to my brother.  Me and my monkey write Shakespearean sonnets.  We are close to the Soylent Green era.

The internet is going to become a punch card that will be re-created through a 3-D printer. The blueprints are out there.  We will be operating 50 years into the past.  It’s 1967, the Summer of Love in SanFranDickhole where everything is roses and dandelions and the cock-docking is done daily.  I get to watch my gut grow and get more bloated, but dammit he owes me a dinner as I won the bet.  The compounds are easy to put together, I want the blue gold. Put it on your lips when you are down in the weeds, waiting for the ducks and snakes. Make sure you have the suit. It’s a weight loss program.  I start working freelance, betting Sugar to show!  It will be mandatory that every citizen is a Jim Morrison immigrant, open the Doors, open the Doors, Come On Baby Light My Fire, This Is the End Gloria, my LA Woman–she’s a red headed devil.

All through 2017, Prince will remain dead.

Finally, the government will announce to the public later this year that on December 26, 2016, we were hit with a galactic wave and yes, we are all dead now.

Feel better and don’t take things so seriously.
But I am dead inside.

 

Thanks Jim, once again you’ve pushed the envelope of your sanity to bring us some great predictions.

IanALSimers
editor in chief and head honcho  🙂

 

BARAFRICA BRACES FOR HURRICANE PFFFFFFT!

October 24, 2015

HURRICANE PFFFT! APPROACHES

BREAKING NEWS…..FOR IMMEDIATELY RELEASE

by Ben Carson, Lead Field Investigative Reporter and baby bwrain surgeon

Strong winds have been reported through the Craqu+e Valley in the Buttc-heek Mountain Range upwards of 200 mph.

CraqueRocks

Cracqu+e is the scientific name for the element found in the valley.

It has been beneficial to the working people of the Ass-Stink tibe in the town as they ingest it and have been tearing the town apart by disassembling their vehicles, equipment, appliances, electrical transfer stations, waste treatment plants, subway systems, and this has caused a boom to the as tribe as it is costing billions of barafricos to rebuild.

Images I was able to capture before the Ass-Stinks torched my rented RV!

RVmotorhomefire_thumb

Chief of Police, Sandy R. Ectum who assured me the culprits would be caught!

drugs-woman-4_1833998i1

Here’s a picture of the Mayor or Governor, who can tell after years of use they all look the same to me!

An elected official?

An elected official?

 

More examples of the industriousness of the Ass-Stinks!

                            StrippedCar                                        JunkBrownSedan

PileOfTrashedOldTVs

JunkedRefrigerator           BADCOPPERSIGN

 

 

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!

LATEST IMAGES OF HURRICANE PFFFT!

saturn-hurricane-cassini

The blood red eye is now headed straight for the capitol of Barafrica where the Amabo resides.

CrazyIndian cartoonThe above illustration shows Chief Dog Breaking Wind making preparations for the Amabo!

More to follow…… B. Carson

 

Thanks Ben, Good Work!

Ian AL Simers, head honcho

Hobo Junction No Longer Functions

May 21, 2015
homeless-5

We’ve all seen this!

 

For Immediate Release.

By Ben Carson, reporter on the road.

Finally a city has gotten it right in dealing with those freaks at intersections in any city in any state.  Posting a sign that clearly states where the down and out can call for help with needed ‘food’ and ‘lodging’ and also stating where ‘concerned citizens’ (i.e. bleeding heart idiots who give money to these street corner beggars) can donate money to the ’cause’.   I hope that ALL cities adopt this method!  By the way, the ordinance that this sign lists is an ordinance against criminal trespass.  PERFECT!

StreetSign

No Hobos No More! The Best Hobo Repellant!

 

 

SignUpClose

Absolutely BRILLIANT!

 

FB_IMG_1421039255096

2013 Year In Review And 2014 Predictions

January 1, 2014
HA! I WAS RIGHT!

Jim Roon in trance in France.

By Jim Roon, soothsayer and head reporter

HA! I WAS RIGHT ON TARGET! And speaking of Target, in 2014 Gabe’s Cocks will go out of business due to a bank computer glitch that wiped out his account. The bankruptcy judge will be selling his cock on Saturday to the highest bidder at auction to satisfy the Honey Badgers as they attempt to collect their tribute from the once great company.

Freak doesn't even cover this behavior!

Freaky doesn’t even begin to describe this!

As I predicted, many movie starlets have been observed eating cat turds, one for example is Miley Syphilis who has taken her cat fancy to new disturbing levels at the direct command of the great AMABO. Her erratic behavior is further evidence of her addiction to the cat fecal matter.

iBleed money, do you?

iBleed money, do you?

In late 2013 Apple introduced the new emasculating top-of-their-line computer, the iTAMPON. This item will soon be discontinued because it ships with only the outside and not the actual tampon inside the tube.

Now for my 2014 PREDICTIONS.

Finally the Muleattoes are pushed over the limit and revolt against the AMABO. This causes Icky-PooPoo to rumble in terror. Watch for these signs:

falling-rock-safety-sign4-manFallingRockCartsunamisign

TsunamiCity

When these signs appear to you, you will know that the Galactic Federation is fed up with Chief Dog Breaking Wind’s antics and has begun bombarding the earth with alien garbage that appears to be rocks but that are really alien burnt up turds that will contaminate the earth with a virus that causes explosive uncontrollable diarrhea (runny shits) and severe dehydration.

Explosivediahrrea-toilet-edit

That's a 3 pounder if I've ever seen one!

That’s a 3 pounder if I’ve ever seen one!

PooPantsLongRun

Oooh, I can smell it from here!

Severe dehydration - the first step in Our New Food.

Severe dehydration – the first step in Our New Food.

One giant turd meant for Chief Dog Breaking Wind will land off the west coast of Barafrica causing a giant tsunami which will envelope the Herpés-Sore island where the Chief is spending the country’s inheritance on gay hookers and rare barbee dolls that remind him of his childhood.

trailer_trash-barbie

Do ya got a light honey? Buy me a beer, I’m drinkin’ fer two!

It's A Gay Anemone!

It’s A Gay Anemone!

Out of this chaos, will come another chief, Chief Oozing Toe Fungus from the AssStink Tribe. His trusted son, FleckAPoo who has been a medicine man for many years, will conduct a nation-wide cleansing which will result in massive shortages of baby-butt wipes. INVEST NOW! Buy as many packages as you can, they will be worth more than GOLD!

baby-wipes

Worth their weight in GOLD!!

UsedToiletRolls-edit

“Slightly Used”? Great!

Finally, Chief Oozing Toe Fungus will replace Chief Dog Breaking Wind and topple the Muleattoes rule over Barafrica. Cheezy Poofs and Grape Soda once again become plentiful as the Great Cleansing becomes complete. The AssStink Tribe begins to rebuild the Barafrican economy by building more casinos and encouraging tourism. All the bodies of the dead that have dehydrated from the diarrhea will be ground up and a new unlimited food source for the cheesy poofs industry will be created.

That is all I can see for now. Going into these altered states is very taxing. I will continue to submit my predictions as they manifest in my head.

Jim Roon, soothsayer and head reporter

NEW HOME REMEDIES FOR BEDBUGS

August 28, 2010

Helloooooooooooooooo!

Reported in the “Barafrican Journal”  by Jim Roon aka Randy

With the recent outbreak across the globe of the feared “amabo bedbug” we spoke to Chief Breaking Wind for guidance:  “With  the urgency of this matter, I have had a vision, everyone must trap one of the feces covered gerbils and place 6 to seven in their homes.
Once you have the international harvesters in place, the next step is most urgent. Find someone with scabies and infect yourself, then smear the amabo-snot all over yourself.  Amabo-snot may be found oozing from the the side of the Ickypoopoo volcano”.  He continued,  “During this next week you must eat 66 bulls balls from Williams AZ, also known as the toilet of the USA”.  He went on, “When you defecate, place the turds in the sealed boxes and forward them to the satan box 666 in Williams Arizona so that the festering, goat-humping saller donutman can eat them”.

Let’s all play “Where’s Sayleer?”!

While this seems odd to me, the Chief has always given sound advice.  This will work to exterminate bedbugs.

Editor’s note: Thanks Jim for another great submission.  I spoke with an extermination expert who recommended ‘Bedlam’. Just ask for it by name at your local home improvement center. Be sure to follow the package directions carefully.–Ian AL Simers, head honcho 🙂

 

Stand Back! I am a Professional!

 

Bedlam! It’s what’s waiting for them!

 

ANZEL ADDAMS . . . G*E*N*U*I*S?

July 25, 2010

Photo entitled 'Hangover Oak on a dewy morn'

by Salvacion Maria Dolly; pictures courtesy Melinda Ryan

I couldn’t be more sick and tired of all the to-do over this Anzel Addams.   History has been way too kind to this guy.   It’s time the whole sobering story was told.   Forget everything you ever have read about him.   Read these words now and you can believe them later.

Addams was a hopeless bum and drunkard.   Only someone with no responsibilities at all would have the time to sit in the forest and take pictures.   All you hear is that he was a genius with light and texture.   If you haven’t noticed, the forest is a beautiful place!   It doesn’t matter what time of day, you’ll get a great photo.

Now, this Addams fella was what we would nowadays call an indigent homeless, scum-sucking, fudge-packing, dirtbag .   He would hang around in state parks and rummage though the dumpsters and chemical toilets for discarded table scraps, partially digested food found near public restrooms and vomitoriums and soiled Depends, not unlike Yogi bear.  These things might be bear-proof but they aren’t Anzel proof! All the campers thought that a bear got into the cooler or picnic basket, when in reality it was Anzel. He even left some scat to cover his thefts. Oh, and of course any and all liquor/beer would be taken.

He had no problem with sleeping arrangements since he could get all the camping equipment he needed the same way he got the food.

Exclusive: Addams taking a 'nap'!

So all he did was hang out and take pictures.

Now here is the most revealing fact about him.   How he decided when it was the perfect time to take the picture.   You won’t believe this.   The bum was a hopeless drunk.   He would take a bottle of whatever hooch he heisted and head off to a hilltop or meadow.   He’d guzzle that hooch until he passed out.   The first thing he did when he came-to was to grab his bulb release and squeeze.

That’s it!!!

That’s how he decided when to take the perfect photo.

The one with the perfect light.

The one with the perfect composition.

The one with the perfect texture.

It was his private secret and he got the biggest kick out of how flatlanders thought he had some gift or something.

Well there it is.

Time to rewrite the history books.

Heck, if I had that much time I could do the same thing.

Sorry to burst the bubble but that’s the way I see it.

Family and friends made many many attempts to get Addams into rehab. None of them were successful.

Addams at his first rehab clinic.

His alcoholism and poor hygiene took it’s toll on him in the end.


One of his last self-portrait shots

Alcoholism is a very bad thing. Poor Anzel suffered greatly from being chewed on by the forest critters while he was passed out. WARNING GRAPHIC!!!!!

He suffered greatly for his 'art'

I personally have two photos in my collection of him. The first one was taken the morning after his gallery opening. He would often take the money he got for his ‘art’ and spend it on a night of bar-hopping in the homo district. He would always wake up in an alley with a headache and a bleeding rectum.

Another successful gallery opening!

This second picture is of my 5th cousin 3rd removed and Addams after about 60 shots. Addams won that competition. He isn’t looking at the camera because by that age  he was already legally blind from a lifetime of drinking cheap hooch!

Ah, good times, good times.


CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANTS COME FORWARD!

February 9, 2010

Reporter Randy Earl
For immediate release
(Barafrican bureau)

On February 11, 2010 the president of IRAN Armygeeniedad, will disclose and distribute videos of the missile hitting the pentagon, he also has several recordings of Blair and Bush discussing the event 5 days prior to 911.

This includes pictures of the interior of the EMPTY jets hitting the twin towers.

This is expected to kick off the second half of the civil war.

updates to follow

OH MY!
Ian AL Simers
I’ve pooped myself!
😉

This Just In: MORE JIM ROON PREDICTIONS!

January 27, 2010

By Jim Roon AKA Randy

1-27-10

For immediate release.

I have been inundated with calls if this quake is the one http://www.infp.ro/ro/ .  Yes that is a large quake today in China (8.6), but the 9.6 is still coming.  I will be doing a channel today with all the plugins and expect to release the evacuation reports this weekend.  It is a good time to go skiing in the maountains with extra supplies.

So Long Stoopid Amerlikens!

Whee! My randing is cushioned by all bodies of dead Amelicans!

Energy release imminent.   Full rights given to distribute this release.

****************************************

Thanks Jim. I am already 5 steps ahead of you.
–Ian Al Simers, head honcho
🙂

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

December 18, 2009

By Ian Al Simers, head honcho

That’s right. That’s right. I said it and I say it! Merry Christmas everybody!

It has been one heck of a roller coaster year for our beleaguered country. 2009 is ending and 2010 is just around the corner. What will this new year hold in store for us? Will the tribes people of Barafrica ever be freed from the crushing rule of the AMABO? Will his offspring, Sheneequa and Mudflaps, rain terror upon the world? Will anyone buy Gabe’s cock? Will the drunkard animal lover in Williams find a new friend in reporter J. Rooney?

Answers to these and many more questions will have to wait as father time ticks down the hours and minutes to the final stroke of midnight and the new year will begin.

I think this photograph pretty well sums up my sentiments for this past year of 2009. Perhaps you feel the same.

SO LONG 2009!

SAFARI GROUP ATTACKED BY KILLER BUTTERFLIES

July 31, 2009
Artists rendering of the Barafrican Killer Butterfly

Barafrican 'CrackHead' Butterfly

butterfliesby C. Kent, reporter, World Daily Planet News

BARAFRICA.  Butterflies throughout history have been associated with gentleness and sweetness. Well, that is until now. In what can only be described as total mayhem, a group of tourists on safari in Barafrica were viciously attacked by a swarm of killer butterflies.  “We had just stopped and exited our  jeeps and we were out looking at the different animals on the savannah, when all of a sudden from out of nowhere a huge swarm of butterflies came down on us and attacked!”, said S. Irwin, safari guide.  A group of 40 tourists were treated for severe bite wounds and scratches, according to the local hospital spokesman, Nikindee Ubuntu. “We have known of this in the past, but it has only been reported by the remote tribal peoples of the Muleatto and AssStink. We have never seen it in our M’kindle Game Preserve ever!” “Everyone was running around and screaming”, said Lars Ooomf, a tourist from Greenland. “My wife is blind now, they ate out her eyes!”

All upcoming safari treks to the savannah have been canceled until the park is deemed safe according to Ipnikle Eteetam, director of the game preserve.   “We have everyone who visits the park sign a waiver that clearly states that all the animals in our park are dangerous. These butterflies only have a life span of 1000 days (which would explain their viciousness), so I no worry”.

I visited the attack site and was horrified to see severed arms and legs strewn about the abandoned rovers and a human head  being finished off by the giant Barafrican vulture, Bernankeee.  Black gooey butterfly excrement (which is indicative of a high presence of blood) was everywhere, and the local tribal peoples, the EHCOURN, were collecting it to use in the leading export of Barafrica, AMABO-GROE fertilizer, as currently used in the White House ‘organic’ garden.  It is this reporter’s opinion that everything in and from Barafrica is a killer.

THE WHITE HOUSE NEW PRESS RELEASE

July 14, 2009
amaboBBQsTheNation

Hey I think that one is done Master!

New photograph surfaces of the AMABO barbequeing  YOUR NUTS at the White House July 4th cook-out! If that doesn’t wake you up to the truth maybe these will!

More disturbing images are surfacing!

amabohitler

amabonazi

amabomarx

amabojebus

amabopisser


MORE MESSAGES OF TRUTH ABOUT THE AMABO!

July 14, 2009

…. Read them and BELIEVE!

amabossticker1

….

amabosticker2

….

amabosticker3

…..

…….

SEE THE EVIL ONE FOR WHAT HE TRULY IS!

THE NEW PIED PIPER OF HARLEM!

THE NEW PIED PIPER OF HARLEM!

amabospread

TO LUBRICATE YOUR ASS!

amabocatastrophe….

amaboscrewedup

..

YES YOU DID YOU EVIL SPAWN OF SATAN!

YES YOU DID YOU EVIL SPAWN OF SATAN!

JUST RELEASED: NEW OBAMA PHOTOS

July 3, 2009

By C. Kent, reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

You just can’t beat the movie classics for showing off the ‘NOBAMA CHANGE’!

Bonnie & Clyde is now Berry & Shelly

Bonnie & Clyde is now Berry & Shelly

Treasure of the Sierra Madre is now Treasure of the Taxpayers

Treasure of the Sierra Madre is now Treasure of the Taxpayers

The Godfather is now The ObamaAlla

The Godfather is now The ObamaAlla

It's A Wonderful Life is now It's An Obama Living Hell

It's A Wonderful Life is now Life Is Hell Living Under Obama

Gone With The Wind is now Gone With The Obama-nation SATAN

Gone With The Wind is now Gone With The Obama-nation SATAN

The Wizard Of Oz is now The Satanic Obama Wizard Of Hell

The Wizard Of Oz is now The Satanic Obama Wizard Of Hell

Obama IS the Wicked Witch of the West!

Obama IS the Wicked Witch of the West!

You can find more stuff like this at www.iowntheworld.com! Check them out! The site is hilarious and RIGHT ON TARGET!

HI KIDS! I’M THE HANDI-DOUGHNUT MAN!

May 23, 2009

by J. Olsen, cub-reporter for the World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

FUDGE PACKERS UNITE! IT’S THE HANDI-DOUGHNUT MAN! What a physique! I just want to lick his smooth, silky, creamy hole until the ecstacy overwhelms me with shivers and breathlessness. Just one look at this photo and you’ll feel the same. He told me his name is DJ Rellas. But to me he is muy sauve and all macho.

COME LICK ME!

COME LICK ME!

THE PERFECT GIFT FOR YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS!

May 21, 2009

GUNS ARE BAD, UMKAY.  SO WE’LL JUST TAKE THEM AWAY FROM YOU AND USE THEM FOR OUR OWN PROTECTION!

GO AHEAD . . . MAKE MY DAY! :)

GO AHEAD . . . MAKE MY DAY! 🙂