Posts Tagged ‘white house’

2018 PREDICTIONS

December 29, 2017

by Shee-La Rooney, from the Island of Puffy Faces

***********************************

After two bottles of Hennessey,  here’s my predictions for 2018.

This year more Barafricans will be playing Wheel of Fortune with their Barafricos.  Sales of vowels will skyrocket!

 

All the enemies of the new Chief will be exiled to Obscurity–a place from which no one returns.

 

The known snake oil salesman Alias Sobriquet has convinced all Barafricans to exchange their Barafricos and food stores to a virtual crypto-currency called The Bezos. They are so proud of themselves as the captain sails away with all their worldly possessions. As they are starving, they will realize they should have listened to the great Trumpest.

 

The new Chief will build a wall around Barafrica to keep all the Barafricans in.

 

The current NFL will fold due to the fact that 1) no fans 2) no sponsors and finally 3) no players. The league decides to reorganize and open up to new players.

Auditions for the new National Flatulence League.

 

Highlights from THE FUTURE (ol’ Jim could NEVER DO THAT)  of the NFL contest between the Cleveland Cows and the Houston Hippopotamuses.

The Cows:

And the Hippos: https://youtu.be/PSKQ3ZNQ_O8?t=16s

A close contest but the Hippos win.

 

Space aliens are back in the news. Barafrica will be visited by beings from another galaxy.  They will bring gifts of viruses and pestilence and will want in return to eat all the Portuguese.

 

This will be the first Olympics where men and women can select which team they want to be on and what gender they will be representing. This will result in all the women sitting on the benches/sidelines.  Barafrica will not be attending the 2018 winter Olympics as the new Chief will have destroyed Ching Chong in Bing Bong in Norte Kia with just one intense look from his eyes the lightning laser bolts shoot out and vaporize the country. The aliens then will be awarded the land of Norte Kia to use a galactic rest stop, featuring 17 full service restrooms and several strategically located flushing stations and a quickie mart.

 

I will be divorcing Jim as he keeps shoving me into the background and won’t let me speak. It’s no fun to be locked up all the time. Inside me, that’s where I scream. I scream on the inside. What are you looking at bus-man?

**************************

Thank you Shee-La, good luck to you girl and you might want to have someone check out those dead-eyes of yours.

Ian AL Simers,

slightly nervous head honcho  😉

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2013 Year In Review And 2014 Predictions

January 1, 2014
HA! I WAS RIGHT!

Jim Roon in trance in France.

By Jim Roon, soothsayer and head reporter

HA! I WAS RIGHT ON TARGET! And speaking of Target, in 2014 Gabe’s Cocks will go out of business due to a bank computer glitch that wiped out his account. The bankruptcy judge will be selling his cock on Saturday to the highest bidder at auction to satisfy the Honey Badgers as they attempt to collect their tribute from the once great company.

Freak doesn't even cover this behavior!

Freaky doesn’t even begin to describe this!

As I predicted, many movie starlets have been observed eating cat turds, one for example is Miley Syphilis who has taken her cat fancy to new disturbing levels at the direct command of the great AMABO. Her erratic behavior is further evidence of her addiction to the cat fecal matter.

iBleed money, do you?

iBleed money, do you?

In late 2013 Apple introduced the new emasculating top-of-their-line computer, the iTAMPON. This item will soon be discontinued because it ships with only the outside and not the actual tampon inside the tube.

Now for my 2014 PREDICTIONS.

Finally the Muleattoes are pushed over the limit and revolt against the AMABO. This causes Icky-PooPoo to rumble in terror. Watch for these signs:

falling-rock-safety-sign4-manFallingRockCartsunamisign

TsunamiCity

When these signs appear to you, you will know that the Galactic Federation is fed up with Chief Dog Breaking Wind’s antics and has begun bombarding the earth with alien garbage that appears to be rocks but that are really alien burnt up turds that will contaminate the earth with a virus that causes explosive uncontrollable diarrhea (runny shits) and severe dehydration.

Explosivediahrrea-toilet-edit

That's a 3 pounder if I've ever seen one!

That’s a 3 pounder if I’ve ever seen one!

PooPantsLongRun

Oooh, I can smell it from here!

Severe dehydration - the first step in Our New Food.

Severe dehydration – the first step in Our New Food.

One giant turd meant for Chief Dog Breaking Wind will land off the west coast of Barafrica causing a giant tsunami which will envelope the Herpés-Sore island where the Chief is spending the country’s inheritance on gay hookers and rare barbee dolls that remind him of his childhood.

trailer_trash-barbie

Do ya got a light honey? Buy me a beer, I’m drinkin’ fer two!

It's A Gay Anemone!

It’s A Gay Anemone!

Out of this chaos, will come another chief, Chief Oozing Toe Fungus from the AssStink Tribe. His trusted son, FleckAPoo who has been a medicine man for many years, will conduct a nation-wide cleansing which will result in massive shortages of baby-butt wipes. INVEST NOW! Buy as many packages as you can, they will be worth more than GOLD!

baby-wipes

Worth their weight in GOLD!!

UsedToiletRolls-edit

“Slightly Used”? Great!

Finally, Chief Oozing Toe Fungus will replace Chief Dog Breaking Wind and topple the Muleattoes rule over Barafrica. Cheezy Poofs and Grape Soda once again become plentiful as the Great Cleansing becomes complete. The AssStink Tribe begins to rebuild the Barafrican economy by building more casinos and encouraging tourism. All the bodies of the dead that have dehydrated from the diarrhea will be ground up and a new unlimited food source for the cheesy poofs industry will be created.

That is all I can see for now. Going into these altered states is very taxing. I will continue to submit my predictions as they manifest in my head.

Jim Roon, soothsayer and head reporter

NEW HOME REMEDIES FOR BEDBUGS

August 28, 2010

Helloooooooooooooooo!

Reported in the “Barafrican Journal”  by Jim Roon aka Randy

With the recent outbreak across the globe of the feared “amabo bedbug” we spoke to Chief Breaking Wind for guidance:  “With  the urgency of this matter, I have had a vision, everyone must trap one of the feces covered gerbils and place 6 to seven in their homes.
Once you have the international harvesters in place, the next step is most urgent. Find someone with scabies and infect yourself, then smear the amabo-snot all over yourself.  Amabo-snot may be found oozing from the the side of the Ickypoopoo volcano”.  He continued,  “During this next week you must eat 66 bulls balls from Williams AZ, also known as the toilet of the USA”.  He went on, “When you defecate, place the turds in the sealed boxes and forward them to the satan box 666 in Williams Arizona so that the festering, goat-humping saller donutman can eat them”.

Let’s all play “Where’s Sayleer?”!

While this seems odd to me, the Chief has always given sound advice.  This will work to exterminate bedbugs.

Editor’s note: Thanks Jim for another great submission.  I spoke with an extermination expert who recommended ‘Bedlam’. Just ask for it by name at your local home improvement center. Be sure to follow the package directions carefully.–Ian AL Simers, head honcho 🙂

 

Stand Back! I am a Professional!

 

Bedlam! It’s what’s waiting for them!

 

CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANTS COME FORWARD!

February 9, 2010

Reporter Randy Earl
For immediate release
(Barafrican bureau)

On February 11, 2010 the president of IRAN Armygeeniedad, will disclose and distribute videos of the missile hitting the pentagon, he also has several recordings of Blair and Bush discussing the event 5 days prior to 911.

This includes pictures of the interior of the EMPTY jets hitting the twin towers.

This is expected to kick off the second half of the civil war.

updates to follow

OH MY!
Ian AL Simers
I’ve pooped myself!
😉

This Just In: MORE JIM ROON PREDICTIONS!

January 27, 2010

By Jim Roon AKA Randy

1-27-10

For immediate release.

I have been inundated with calls if this quake is the one http://www.infp.ro/ro/ .  Yes that is a large quake today in China (8.6), but the 9.6 is still coming.  I will be doing a channel today with all the plugins and expect to release the evacuation reports this weekend.  It is a good time to go skiing in the maountains with extra supplies.

So Long Stoopid Amerlikens!

Whee! My randing is cushioned by all bodies of dead Amelicans!

Energy release imminent.   Full rights given to distribute this release.

****************************************

Thanks Jim. I am already 5 steps ahead of you.
–Ian Al Simers, head honcho
🙂

W.T.S.H.T.F. – Breaking news for immediate release

January 25, 2010

BE SURE TO WEAR A VINYL PONCHO!

When The Shit Hits The Fan!

By reporter Jim Roon aka Randy

10am Barafrican time;

Magnitude 9.6 earthquake!


The normally docile residents of Roontown in southern Barafrica are getting antsy.   Animals are fleeing to the safety of the nearby cruise ships.  The rumblings are low frequency S waves emanating a methane smell that is choking the air.  Several gerbils have been seen coated in feces, running towards the great Amabo statue located beneath the Ickypoopoo volcano.
 

The IckyPooPoo Volcano

The Great Statue of AMABO

 


Several land masses have become visible rising from the ocean floor, which will create an odd shape similar to a set of truck nuts. We reached Chief Breaking wind for comment.  He said “all is in our prophecy, soon the flying monkeys will be dropping feces upon all the barracks”, he went on to warn of the coming fistula to appear in the sky as a sign to take cover in the cotton fields.

All are warned to prepare with the government supplied Depends, grape soda, cheezy poofs and Bactine; and to prepare for the opening of the gate at Uranus.

More to follow with this breaking story.
Read the previous Barafrica stories:
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/12/31/obama-works-his-voodoo-sends-limbaugh-to-the-hospital/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/08/16/chaos-erupts-in-courtroom/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/06/17/natives-sound-off-in-court/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/05/21/amabo-controversy-ended/
*****UPDATE*****
Chief breaking wind has just released the tale of the torn fistula. “After the vision of the truck nuts I was told that the fistula will tear in the sky and bathe the land in a red rain” .   Shortly thereafter, an odd red rain began to fall and government officials recommended placing the government issued Depends over your head.   This prompted the locals to rebel against the government calling and chanting “shit heads”.  

more to follow….
Good work Jim Roon! I won’t be answering the phone anymore though.
–Ian Al Simers, truly depressed

BRING IN 2010 WITH LOADS OF LAUGHS

December 29, 2009

By Ian Al Simers, Head Honcho

Hi all, and look what I have found on You Tube! These videos are sure to make you laugh til you burst your guts wide open and they are all FOR REAL! The person featured in the video is truly special.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

December 18, 2009

By Ian Al Simers, head honcho

That’s right. That’s right. I said it and I say it! Merry Christmas everybody!

It has been one heck of a roller coaster year for our beleaguered country. 2009 is ending and 2010 is just around the corner. What will this new year hold in store for us? Will the tribes people of Barafrica ever be freed from the crushing rule of the AMABO? Will his offspring, Sheneequa and Mudflaps, rain terror upon the world? Will anyone buy Gabe’s cock? Will the drunkard animal lover in Williams find a new friend in reporter J. Rooney?

Answers to these and many more questions will have to wait as father time ticks down the hours and minutes to the final stroke of midnight and the new year will begin.

I think this photograph pretty well sums up my sentiments for this past year of 2009. Perhaps you feel the same.

SO LONG 2009!

CHINA TO RECEIVE OWNERSHIP OF USA AT FLAG CEREMONY SEPT 20 AT WHITE HOUSE

September 4, 2009
panda_slanteye

TRANSLATION: FORECLOSURE NOTICE!

THOSE SNEAKY CHINEEZE!

THOSE SNEAKY CHINEEZE!

NO NEED TO RSVP! THE AMABO WILL SPEAK FOR ALL!

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2009-07/13/content_8422505.htm

China’s national flag to go up in White House on Sept 20
By Hou Lei (chinadaily.com.cn)
Updated: 2009-07-13 16:45

china-flagThe national flag of the People’s Republic of China (PRC) will be hoisted at the South Lawn of the White House in Washington on September 20, media reported Sunday.

Chinese associations in the United States had applied to hold a ceremony in front of the US President’s residence to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the founding of PRC.

panda_gunChen Ronghua, chairman of Fujian Association of the United States, told reporters that their application was approved not only because of the sound Sino-US relations but also because China is a responsible country.

“Many Americans admire China due to the success of last year’s Beijing Olympics,” said Chen.

More than 1,000 people will attend the ceremony and the performances held after it, according to Zhao Luqun, who will direct the performances.panda_pistolpackin

Zhao said the performances will demonstrate the friendship, magnanimous spirit and kindness of modern Chinese people.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING ON A LIGHTER NOTE:

PANDA JOKE OF THE DAY

PANDA JOKE OF THE DAY

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for the food!”


The panda yells back, “Hey, man, I’m a panda. Look it up!”


The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: “A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring.

Eats shoots and leaves.”

HAVE A HAPPY SUPERLUCKY DAY!

superluckycatlrge

A TALE OF TWO TIMMY’S

August 29, 2009

By reporter666

TACOS, NM. In a secret underground bunker, the two Timmy’s finally met. I have exclusive access to the yet-to-be broadcast dialog/exchange between Timothy Geitner and Timmy (that’s pronounced T-I-M-M-A-E) from South Park.  Here is an excerpt:

TIMMAE!

TIMMAE!

Huh?

Huh?

TIMMAE?

TIMMAE?

Yes.

Yes.

CHAOS ERUPTS IN COURTROOM

August 16, 2009

By J. Olsen, cub-reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

Exclusive shot of attempted murder of Chief Dog-Breaking-Wind

Exclusive shot of attempted murder of Chief Dog-Breaking-Wind

This is an UPDATE to my story NATIVES SOUND OFF IN COURT

The courtroom testimony of Chief Dog-Breaking-Wind was interrupted today by the AMABO attempting to strangle the chief with a garrote. The chief was protected by the poisoned spines on his native headdress. The shocking incident occurred when the chief was being cross-examined by the Barafrican state attorney, Ms. Cass Traate, and was explaining how he would never ever bend over and take it in the ass for AMABO. Just then, up sprang the AMABO from behind the witness chair and the struggle began. It took 7 warriors to subdue the AMABO who was screeching gibberish while foaming at the mouth. The AMABO was drug out of the courthouse in heavy restraints into the arms of 6 of his private security force who finally silenced the AMABO by stuffing ACORNS in his mouth.

Exclusive photo of the AMABO security force

Exclusive photo of the AMABO security force captain

Chief Dog-Breaking-Wind was unhurt in the incident and was heard to yell at AMABO “I put a curse on you and your minions. Explosive diarrhea for you all!” No sooner had the chief uttered those words, the courtroom was bursting with runny smelly excrement pouring out of the buttholes of officers of the court and many many of the spectators. (This reporter is glad he is not and never was an AMABO supporter.) Then the presiding judge I. Wil Pokemass called for a recess for the day. It is unclear when testimony will continue as the courtroom needs a hazmat cleanup and as of this writing many of the participants are still suffering from explosive diarrhea.

JUST RELEASED: ACORN CENSUS TAKER UNIFORMS

August 5, 2009

By J. Rooney, still a midget/reformed dog rapist/reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

Have you seen these people wandering around your neighborhood? Well, in a bizarre turn of events, the AMABO administration has just released preliminary photos of the new ACORN census taker uniforms to the public.  The AMABO felt that the public should be shown the new ACORN uniforms as to prevent unnecessary calls to the police when the ACORN census takers start making the rounds across Barafrica.  So if you see this uniform in your neighborhood, I think you know what to do. If you don’t, just watch the old Frankenstein movie starring Boris Karloff. Think villagers, frightened angry villagers. . .

How about a little fire, scarecrow?
How about a little fire, scarecrow?

SAFARI GROUP ATTACKED BY KILLER BUTTERFLIES

July 31, 2009
Artists rendering of the Barafrican Killer Butterfly

Barafrican 'CrackHead' Butterfly

butterfliesby C. Kent, reporter, World Daily Planet News

BARAFRICA.  Butterflies throughout history have been associated with gentleness and sweetness. Well, that is until now. In what can only be described as total mayhem, a group of tourists on safari in Barafrica were viciously attacked by a swarm of killer butterflies.  “We had just stopped and exited our  jeeps and we were out looking at the different animals on the savannah, when all of a sudden from out of nowhere a huge swarm of butterflies came down on us and attacked!”, said S. Irwin, safari guide.  A group of 40 tourists were treated for severe bite wounds and scratches, according to the local hospital spokesman, Nikindee Ubuntu. “We have known of this in the past, but it has only been reported by the remote tribal peoples of the Muleatto and AssStink. We have never seen it in our M’kindle Game Preserve ever!” “Everyone was running around and screaming”, said Lars Ooomf, a tourist from Greenland. “My wife is blind now, they ate out her eyes!”

All upcoming safari treks to the savannah have been canceled until the park is deemed safe according to Ipnikle Eteetam, director of the game preserve.   “We have everyone who visits the park sign a waiver that clearly states that all the animals in our park are dangerous. These butterflies only have a life span of 1000 days (which would explain their viciousness), so I no worry”.

I visited the attack site and was horrified to see severed arms and legs strewn about the abandoned rovers and a human head  being finished off by the giant Barafrican vulture, Bernankeee.  Black gooey butterfly excrement (which is indicative of a high presence of blood) was everywhere, and the local tribal peoples, the EHCOURN, were collecting it to use in the leading export of Barafrica, AMABO-GROE fertilizer, as currently used in the White House ‘organic’ garden.  It is this reporter’s opinion that everything in and from Barafrica is a killer.

THE WHITE HOUSE NEW PRESS RELEASE

July 14, 2009
amaboBBQsTheNation

Hey I think that one is done Master!

New photograph surfaces of the AMABO barbequeing  YOUR NUTS at the White House July 4th cook-out! If that doesn’t wake you up to the truth maybe these will!

More disturbing images are surfacing!

amabohitler

amabonazi

amabomarx

amabojebus

amabopisser


MORE MESSAGES OF TRUTH ABOUT THE AMABO!

July 14, 2009

…. Read them and BELIEVE!

amabossticker1

….

amabosticker2

….

amabosticker3

…..

…….

SEE THE EVIL ONE FOR WHAT HE TRULY IS!

THE NEW PIED PIPER OF HARLEM!

THE NEW PIED PIPER OF HARLEM!

amabospread

TO LUBRICATE YOUR ASS!

amabocatastrophe….

amaboscrewedup

..

YES YOU DID YOU EVIL SPAWN OF SATAN!

YES YOU DID YOU EVIL SPAWN OF SATAN!