Posts Tagged ‘satan’

Breaking Wind News!

December 22, 2013
HoneyBadger1

THE NEW TRIBUTE COLLECTORS!

Today in the great agricultural zone known as The Giant Smear in the kingdom of Barafrica, The Great Wind appeared that spreads the badgers. Millions of honey badgers were flung throughout the surrounding countryside. There are reports of a great number of Barafrican peasants who have perished at the insatiable voracious appetite of the relentless honey badgers. Them honey badgers are BAD-ASS! Not a single one died in the Great Wind! The great ruler of the kingdom saw how effective these small animals were in being resistant to ANYTHING, because they are TOUGH AS SHIT!

honeybadger3

Where’s my money?

Our cub reporter, J. Olsen has a contact deep inside the anals of the great leader’s home. He reported back to us that AMABO is in the process of training almost 20,000 more of these honey badgers to collect his tribute from the peasants. They are trained to occasionally eat the peasant even after they pay the tribute. The uproar in the kingdom doesn’t matter to the honey badger, ’cause he’s BAD-ASS! He’ll eat your children while you watch and if you don’t pay up and run, he’ll eat you too! He’ll chase you down and squirt his stink on you!

The arrow points to the Perianal Resort.

The arrow points to the Perianal Resort.

As a result of this new program, the people have quit working and have gone into hiding, due to the decrease in tribute, the AMABO had to call Sheenequa and Mudflaps and his breeding partner Shelly, back from the Perianal Resort off the Hemorrhoid Coast of Barafrica where they fled from the trained honey badgers.

IanALSimers, head honcho and sufferer.

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NEW HOME REMEDIES FOR BEDBUGS

August 28, 2010

Helloooooooooooooooo!

Reported in the “Barafrican Journal”  by Jim Roon aka Randy

With the recent outbreak across the globe of the feared “amabo bedbug” we spoke to Chief Breaking Wind for guidance:  “With  the urgency of this matter, I have had a vision, everyone must trap one of the feces covered gerbils and place 6 to seven in their homes.
Once you have the international harvesters in place, the next step is most urgent. Find someone with scabies and infect yourself, then smear the amabo-snot all over yourself.  Amabo-snot may be found oozing from the the side of the Ickypoopoo volcano”.  He continued,  “During this next week you must eat 66 bulls balls from Williams AZ, also known as the toilet of the USA”.  He went on, “When you defecate, place the turds in the sealed boxes and forward them to the satan box 666 in Williams Arizona so that the festering, goat-humping saller donutman can eat them”.

Let’s all play “Where’s Sayleer?”!

While this seems odd to me, the Chief has always given sound advice.  This will work to exterminate bedbugs.

Editor’s note: Thanks Jim for another great submission.  I spoke with an extermination expert who recommended ‘Bedlam’. Just ask for it by name at your local home improvement center. Be sure to follow the package directions carefully.–Ian AL Simers, head honcho 🙂

 

Stand Back! I am a Professional!

 

Bedlam! It’s what’s waiting for them!

 

CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANTS COME FORWARD!

February 9, 2010

Reporter Randy Earl
For immediate release
(Barafrican bureau)

On February 11, 2010 the president of IRAN Armygeeniedad, will disclose and distribute videos of the missile hitting the pentagon, he also has several recordings of Blair and Bush discussing the event 5 days prior to 911.

This includes pictures of the interior of the EMPTY jets hitting the twin towers.

This is expected to kick off the second half of the civil war.

updates to follow

OH MY!
Ian AL Simers
I’ve pooped myself!
😉

This Just In: MORE JIM ROON PREDICTIONS!

January 27, 2010

By Jim Roon AKA Randy

1-27-10

For immediate release.

I have been inundated with calls if this quake is the one http://www.infp.ro/ro/ .  Yes that is a large quake today in China (8.6), but the 9.6 is still coming.  I will be doing a channel today with all the plugins and expect to release the evacuation reports this weekend.  It is a good time to go skiing in the maountains with extra supplies.

So Long Stoopid Amerlikens!

Whee! My randing is cushioned by all bodies of dead Amelicans!

Energy release imminent.   Full rights given to distribute this release.

****************************************

Thanks Jim. I am already 5 steps ahead of you.
–Ian Al Simers, head honcho
🙂

W.T.S.H.T.F. – Breaking news for immediate release

January 25, 2010

BE SURE TO WEAR A VINYL PONCHO!

When The Shit Hits The Fan!

By reporter Jim Roon aka Randy

10am Barafrican time;

Magnitude 9.6 earthquake!


The normally docile residents of Roontown in southern Barafrica are getting antsy.   Animals are fleeing to the safety of the nearby cruise ships.  The rumblings are low frequency S waves emanating a methane smell that is choking the air.  Several gerbils have been seen coated in feces, running towards the great Amabo statue located beneath the Ickypoopoo volcano.
 

The IckyPooPoo Volcano

The Great Statue of AMABO

 


Several land masses have become visible rising from the ocean floor, which will create an odd shape similar to a set of truck nuts. We reached Chief Breaking wind for comment.  He said “all is in our prophecy, soon the flying monkeys will be dropping feces upon all the barracks”, he went on to warn of the coming fistula to appear in the sky as a sign to take cover in the cotton fields.

All are warned to prepare with the government supplied Depends, grape soda, cheezy poofs and Bactine; and to prepare for the opening of the gate at Uranus.

More to follow with this breaking story.
Read the previous Barafrica stories:
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/12/31/obama-works-his-voodoo-sends-limbaugh-to-the-hospital/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/08/16/chaos-erupts-in-courtroom/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/06/17/natives-sound-off-in-court/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/05/21/amabo-controversy-ended/
*****UPDATE*****
Chief breaking wind has just released the tale of the torn fistula. “After the vision of the truck nuts I was told that the fistula will tear in the sky and bathe the land in a red rain” .   Shortly thereafter, an odd red rain began to fall and government officials recommended placing the government issued Depends over your head.   This prompted the locals to rebel against the government calling and chanting “shit heads”.  

more to follow….
Good work Jim Roon! I won’t be answering the phone anymore though.
–Ian Al Simers, truly depressed

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

December 18, 2009

By Ian Al Simers, head honcho

That’s right. That’s right. I said it and I say it! Merry Christmas everybody!

It has been one heck of a roller coaster year for our beleaguered country. 2009 is ending and 2010 is just around the corner. What will this new year hold in store for us? Will the tribes people of Barafrica ever be freed from the crushing rule of the AMABO? Will his offspring, Sheneequa and Mudflaps, rain terror upon the world? Will anyone buy Gabe’s cock? Will the drunkard animal lover in Williams find a new friend in reporter J. Rooney?

Answers to these and many more questions will have to wait as father time ticks down the hours and minutes to the final stroke of midnight and the new year will begin.

I think this photograph pretty well sums up my sentiments for this past year of 2009. Perhaps you feel the same.

SO LONG 2009!

HUGO CHAVEZ ADMITS OBAMA IS SATAN

December 18, 2009

IT STILL SMELLS OF SULFUR! HAIL SATAN!

UNITED NATIONS –Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez addressed the U.N. after Obama stepped down and said, “It still smells like sulfur.” There was an audible gasp from the collected diplomats in the assembly as Hugo Chavez rushed off the podium to be with his Satanic brother. Will the evil ever stop?

Wake up People!

ARE YOU GETTING THE MESSAGE AMERICA?

ARE YOU GETTING THE MESSAGE AMERICA?

PRESIDENT OBAMA ADMITS HE IS A LIAR TO AMERICAN PEOPLE

September 15, 2009

By Reporter666

WASHINGTON, D.C.  In his nationally televised speech on Wednesday, September 9, 2009 (9-9-09; I think I see a relation to … 666! and how appropriate for AMABO to make a speech on such an EVIL day)  to the joint houses of the Senate and Representatives, the president openly admitted to telling a lie. He had just stated that illegal immigrants would not be eligible for his health care program and then his next statement was, “That is a lie” and then he coolly and calmly finished his speech.  Reactions of congress ranged from shocked disbelief to absolute agreement.


912-TeaParty-DC-09

The citizens, however,  were not surprised and were awakened from the spell that the AMABO had cast upon them. They organized themselves and marched on the capitol on September 12, 2009 to let their voices be heard.


Unfortunately, the AMABO was conveniently out of town that day addressing a coven in Minneapolis.

RedHoodMonkred_hood


Meanwhile, in the parking lot, a lot of vehicles sporting AMABO bumper stickers were found to have spawned a new one:


You_Lie

CHINA TO RECEIVE OWNERSHIP OF USA AT FLAG CEREMONY SEPT 20 AT WHITE HOUSE

September 4, 2009
panda_slanteye

TRANSLATION: FORECLOSURE NOTICE!

THOSE SNEAKY CHINEEZE!

THOSE SNEAKY CHINEEZE!

NO NEED TO RSVP! THE AMABO WILL SPEAK FOR ALL!

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2009-07/13/content_8422505.htm

China’s national flag to go up in White House on Sept 20
By Hou Lei (chinadaily.com.cn)
Updated: 2009-07-13 16:45

china-flagThe national flag of the People’s Republic of China (PRC) will be hoisted at the South Lawn of the White House in Washington on September 20, media reported Sunday.

Chinese associations in the United States had applied to hold a ceremony in front of the US President’s residence to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the founding of PRC.

panda_gunChen Ronghua, chairman of Fujian Association of the United States, told reporters that their application was approved not only because of the sound Sino-US relations but also because China is a responsible country.

“Many Americans admire China due to the success of last year’s Beijing Olympics,” said Chen.

More than 1,000 people will attend the ceremony and the performances held after it, according to Zhao Luqun, who will direct the performances.panda_pistolpackin

Zhao said the performances will demonstrate the friendship, magnanimous spirit and kindness of modern Chinese people.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING ON A LIGHTER NOTE:

PANDA JOKE OF THE DAY

PANDA JOKE OF THE DAY

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for the food!”


The panda yells back, “Hey, man, I’m a panda. Look it up!”


The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: “A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring.

Eats shoots and leaves.”

HAVE A HAPPY SUPERLUCKY DAY!

superluckycatlrge

WHERE WAS GLENN BECK NOW REVEALED

August 24, 2009
The ISLE of GILLIGAN

The ISLE of GILLIGAN

By G. Santos, reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

My sources have revealed that popular talk show host, Glenn Beck, was held in a re-edumacation camp for the past two weeks on the remote Isle of Gilligan at the southwest tip of Barafrica until his rescue.

Mr. Beck was forced to work during the day in the fields growing high cholesterol foods and was nightly tortured by Smith Sheparhd by being forced to eat Sheparhd’s fungus infected toenail clippings. Beck’s captors did not use water boarding, but instead used water ballooning–where the victim runs back and forth in a confined space while being pummeled with water balloons that not only soaks the victim’s $1,000 outfit but also totally ruins the ‘do.

Beck’s rescue was funded and supplied by the great folks at Clorox, CVS, Wal-Mart, and Sprint to name just a few. Additional funding for Mr. Beck’s rescue came from the Stimulus Bailout Package and the Reinvestment Act of 2009.

The Rescue Boat

The Rescue Boat

His rescue team was made up from the best America has to offer: Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Payne, Patrick Henry, Benjamin Franklin, Ronald Reagan and Sarah Palin on shotgun. In addition there was Jane Russell (the movie star), Howard Hughes (the millionaire), Joseph Hazelwood (the Exxon Valdez skipper), and Judas (because there is always at least one).

Glenn's fellow political prisioners

Glenn's fellow political prisioners

See...I told you! There is ALWAYS at least one JUDAS!

See...I told you! There is ALWAYS at least one JUDAS!

Since his harrowing experience on the island and his daring rescue, Mr. Beck has been reunited with his family and has returned to his syndicated radio show and his television show on FOX News and is none the worse for wear. In fact, when questioned by this reporter about the incident, Mr. Beck denied it ever happened. I, Geraldo Santos, understand that anyone would block out such a horrific memory and want to move on. You go, Glenn!


NEW MANTRA FROM THE AMABO FOR SENIORS AND CRITCALLY ILL YOUNGER PEOPLE

August 21, 2009

HAVE YOU SEEN THESE POSTED AT YOUR LOCAL CLINIC OR HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM?

Hey it's grape flavor! Yum Yum!

Hey it's grape flavor! Yum Yum!

CHAOS ERUPTS IN COURTROOM

August 16, 2009

By J. Olsen, cub-reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

Exclusive shot of attempted murder of Chief Dog-Breaking-Wind

Exclusive shot of attempted murder of Chief Dog-Breaking-Wind

This is an UPDATE to my story NATIVES SOUND OFF IN COURT

The courtroom testimony of Chief Dog-Breaking-Wind was interrupted today by the AMABO attempting to strangle the chief with a garrote. The chief was protected by the poisoned spines on his native headdress. The shocking incident occurred when the chief was being cross-examined by the Barafrican state attorney, Ms. Cass Traate, and was explaining how he would never ever bend over and take it in the ass for AMABO. Just then, up sprang the AMABO from behind the witness chair and the struggle began. It took 7 warriors to subdue the AMABO who was screeching gibberish while foaming at the mouth. The AMABO was drug out of the courthouse in heavy restraints into the arms of 6 of his private security force who finally silenced the AMABO by stuffing ACORNS in his mouth.

Exclusive photo of the AMABO security force

Exclusive photo of the AMABO security force captain

Chief Dog-Breaking-Wind was unhurt in the incident and was heard to yell at AMABO “I put a curse on you and your minions. Explosive diarrhea for you all!” No sooner had the chief uttered those words, the courtroom was bursting with runny smelly excrement pouring out of the buttholes of officers of the court and many many of the spectators. (This reporter is glad he is not and never was an AMABO supporter.) Then the presiding judge I. Wil Pokemass called for a recess for the day. It is unclear when testimony will continue as the courtroom needs a hazmat cleanup and as of this writing many of the participants are still suffering from explosive diarrhea.