Posts Tagged ‘Prince’

2017 Predictions

December 31, 2016

mad-as-hell

By Jim Roon, sometime soothsayer

2017 is going to be a very interesting year.  After smoking 3 rocks of crack taking after our beloved AMABO, here are my predictions for 2017. (Jimmy smoke crack and he don’t care–Ed.)

Your house is going to have to be hooked up to the electric grid, you could hope for an EMP plus that’s how they are going to kill 90% in this state.  Load your trunk up with black-market merchandise.  Who needs water to flush a toilet? We will run on compressed air, that really scares all the rats that live in the sewer.  AMABO is going to move to kaliforkina and declare it an independent country which he will then rule over with Shelly, Mudflaps and Sheenequa, but not before establishing the crack corridor.  The third rail will be touched and kill the high speed rail but not before the earthquake that will completely destroy Glass Valley and Shit-hole by the Bay will be flushed out. The underground tunnels will be destroyed and spill out all the reptilians and dulceneans.

The TrumPence will assume the new leadership of Barafrica. They will change Barafrica and free the repressed tribes. We will be going back to Mayberry the small town populated with many confirmed bachelors.  Single males, they are animals.  That’s why when I fill out the forms I put N/A.  I don’t know what I am, so where do I go to the bathroom? In my pants! Unisex pants will become the latest fashion because of its ease of use by security guards in front of cheerleaders and security guards at other locations.  There’s a built in camel-toe in these pants because we have become pussies.  Later in the year, boots will become fashionable again as the ass-kicking starts, episode one ‘the beginnings’.  There will be an economic boom and then a big bust. Stock market manipulations and contusions will lower taxes and increase jobs to repair the kingdom infrastructure. Planned parenthood will be discovered to have defaulted on the Sanger Eugenics foundation and will be ordered to kill more AssStink and Muletoe babies. Regulations will be changed to use pitchforks and shovels, babies will be considered tiny horse-fishes or what’s more commonly known as sea horses, shrimps, prawns–ooh seafood that’s good right about now.  I’ve hankering for some Long John Silvers.   I see lots of people in the Los-Banos-Sinkhole prison; they got an open house for the public Tuesdays and Saturdays.

You are at a certain time and certain place and your school told you how to think they were in compliant with the state otherwise they would be shut down.  Like a cross-dresser, but cross-pollination education. These were public school assistance that went to a private school and they caused my asthma.  Accomplishment is more so with your soul for why you are here and you die. Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher are dead and I predict she will come back as a snake, she did drugs and got high all the time. Was she really a toweley type of person? Is it better to give everything away and live in poverty? Are the rest of us failures? What is accomplishment? It’s hard to push a prius through the asshole of a camel than get into heaven.  We will all see the Time Continuum.  I got in, he had to lie.  I don’t know how this is going to turn out, a lot of f*****s have to go away.  Are they going to have balls? I wouldn’t know as I Am Neutered so speak to my brother.  Me and my monkey write Shakespearean sonnets.  We are close to the Soylent Green era.

The internet is going to become a punch card that will be re-created through a 3-D printer. The blueprints are out there.  We will be operating 50 years into the past.  It’s 1967, the Summer of Love in SanFranDickhole where everything is roses and dandelions and the cock-docking is done daily.  I get to watch my gut grow and get more bloated, but dammit he owes me a dinner as I won the bet.  The compounds are easy to put together, I want the blue gold. Put it on your lips when you are down in the weeds, waiting for the ducks and snakes. Make sure you have the suit. It’s a weight loss program.  I start working freelance, betting Sugar to show!  It will be mandatory that every citizen is a Jim Morrison immigrant, open the Doors, open the Doors, Come On Baby Light My Fire, This Is the End Gloria, my LA Woman–she’s a red headed devil.

All through 2017, Prince will remain dead.

Finally, the government will announce to the public later this year that on December 26, 2016, we were hit with a galactic wave and yes, we are all dead now.

Feel better and don’t take things so seriously.
But I am dead inside.

 

Thanks Jim, once again you’ve pushed the envelope of your sanity to bring us some great predictions.

IanALSimers
editor in chief and head honcho  🙂

 

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MY MENTAL RANDOM THOUGHTS FOR TODAY

May 5, 2016

By Jim Roon, seasoned-reporter-on-the-edge, May 5, 2016  Son Los Cinco!

A SpinningCarousel

That’s the way I interpret the world. The media fills your head with hopeful things. I’m so busy, my head is spinning, all the notes and work they pile up on me.  Arsenio Hall was Prince’s drug dealer-they are still clinging on to that story? Arsenio Hall is suing now.  All the guests got drugs when they came out on his talk show; I saw this.  Why don’t they just put a bullet in his head? Are they still on the air? They film a lot of sh*t, they filmed it all there, right? It was pretty amazing that they created all that in a studio. He had little monkeys working for him. The Chinese are buying Hollywood theaters and they now want to buy the studios.  I hear sirens. I don’t think he cares, I don’t think the nickel and dime stuff really matters to him.

DidYouKnowObamaCare

You should always have a reptile in your camp and a skin-walker too. I like fish sticks, I’m moving to San Francisco to the streets. They showed the little animation and the center of it needs to slip, that would be the epicenter. Let’s say you had a car wreck, a fender bender by Geico, or the new movie Gender Bender; it’s about a guy going around bumping you in the rear.

GeicoHitNRun

They shut my water off today and I forgot to save some water buckets to flush my toilet. So I just let the sh*t pile up in my toilet and I’ll use my cane to stuff the sh*t down when they turn my water back on. You have to be prepared when they shut off your electricity to climb the pole and turn it back on. I’ve done this many times. That was nothing to me.

IceCreamFudgeChunks

I like ice cream. Fudgepacker New York Bend-Over Double Fudge. It’s better than rocky road because it doesn’t have marshmallows that are total HFC’s. But this one has white hard chocolate, walnuts and almonds in it. It don’t have no f****n peanuts in it. It was a bit unusual. I add red onion, celery, good ground up parsley, mustard, vinegar, mayonnaise, salt, paprika, pepper and finally lots and lots of hard boiled eggs. Compared to others I would say it would definitely to my preference is the best, better than any store. Oh and I put some dill relish in it. Guess what is in sweet relish, guess what’s in it ? High f*****g fructose corn syrup! So I put it back on the shelf. They have to put that everywhere! They want the Jews dead, hell the Nazi’s got that started. You should listen to that guy, just to hear about the globalists and the GMOs that they want and he went over everything. He actually talked to Ted Cruz and Ted Cruz is a globalist! He was talking about how important some trades issues; and that is a one-on-one conversation with these people and then they are blabbing. You go to China or Mexico and try to buy property, good luck! Anyone can buy here; the Chinese are buying it like crazy! Anchor babies are everywhere! Chinese pregnant women dropping babies here.

Antenna_photo

Oh it’s raining and I saw some lightning! I always like some lightning. Oh lightning just happened; boomed, there it went.  Glad my antenna isn’t grounded. I hope it rains a lot.

RottenApple

I’m pissed at Apple. They didn’t allow the mayor of Cupertino onto their campus. Apple isn’t paying for any of their infrastructure, the city is. Apple will never move into that stupid space ship; they are a Chinese company now. China is gonna screw them such big time. The butt-f*cker thinks he owns stock but if it goes to China, China will just take it all away.  I’d love to see the Apple security guards against real police officers.  Apple is all rotted and decayed since Steve died; Apple doesn’t pay taxes at all. Wait til they find out what Google is doing to them; that floating piece of sh*t. I think we should declare war on all corporations, they are the ones who have destroyed our country. Hilary she’s all about cashing in; can you imagine what she looks like without makeup? I have a peanut butter jelly sandwich on me. Goodbye.

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Editors note:  Thanks Jim for another insightful rambling article. Really Jim, get some help!

IanALSimers, head honcho  🙂

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