Posts Tagged ‘danger’

Hobo Junction No Longer Functions

May 21, 2015
homeless-5

We’ve all seen this!

 

For Immediate Release.

By Ben Carson, reporter on the road.

Finally a city has gotten it right in dealing with those freaks at intersections in any city in any state.  Posting a sign that clearly states where the down and out can call for help with needed ‘food’ and ‘lodging’ and also stating where ‘concerned citizens’ (i.e. bleeding heart idiots who give money to these street corner beggars) can donate money to the ’cause’.   I hope that ALL cities adopt this method!  By the way, the ordinance that this sign lists is an ordinance against criminal trespass.  PERFECT!

StreetSign

No Hobos No More! The Best Hobo Repellant!

 

 

SignUpClose

Absolutely BRILLIANT!

 

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2013 Year In Review And 2014 Predictions

January 1, 2014
HA! I WAS RIGHT!

Jim Roon in trance in France.

By Jim Roon, soothsayer and head reporter

HA! I WAS RIGHT ON TARGET! And speaking of Target, in 2014 Gabe’s Cocks will go out of business due to a bank computer glitch that wiped out his account. The bankruptcy judge will be selling his cock on Saturday to the highest bidder at auction to satisfy the Honey Badgers as they attempt to collect their tribute from the once great company.

Freak doesn't even cover this behavior!

Freaky doesn’t even begin to describe this!

As I predicted, many movie starlets have been observed eating cat turds, one for example is Miley Syphilis who has taken her cat fancy to new disturbing levels at the direct command of the great AMABO. Her erratic behavior is further evidence of her addiction to the cat fecal matter.

iBleed money, do you?

iBleed money, do you?

In late 2013 Apple introduced the new emasculating top-of-their-line computer, the iTAMPON. This item will soon be discontinued because it ships with only the outside and not the actual tampon inside the tube.

Now for my 2014 PREDICTIONS.

Finally the Muleattoes are pushed over the limit and revolt against the AMABO. This causes Icky-PooPoo to rumble in terror. Watch for these signs:

falling-rock-safety-sign4-manFallingRockCartsunamisign

TsunamiCity

When these signs appear to you, you will know that the Galactic Federation is fed up with Chief Dog Breaking Wind’s antics and has begun bombarding the earth with alien garbage that appears to be rocks but that are really alien burnt up turds that will contaminate the earth with a virus that causes explosive uncontrollable diarrhea (runny shits) and severe dehydration.

Explosivediahrrea-toilet-edit

That's a 3 pounder if I've ever seen one!

That’s a 3 pounder if I’ve ever seen one!

PooPantsLongRun

Oooh, I can smell it from here!

Severe dehydration - the first step in Our New Food.

Severe dehydration – the first step in Our New Food.

One giant turd meant for Chief Dog Breaking Wind will land off the west coast of Barafrica causing a giant tsunami which will envelope the Herpés-Sore island where the Chief is spending the country’s inheritance on gay hookers and rare barbee dolls that remind him of his childhood.

trailer_trash-barbie

Do ya got a light honey? Buy me a beer, I’m drinkin’ fer two!

It's A Gay Anemone!

It’s A Gay Anemone!

Out of this chaos, will come another chief, Chief Oozing Toe Fungus from the AssStink Tribe. His trusted son, FleckAPoo who has been a medicine man for many years, will conduct a nation-wide cleansing which will result in massive shortages of baby-butt wipes. INVEST NOW! Buy as many packages as you can, they will be worth more than GOLD!

baby-wipes

Worth their weight in GOLD!!

UsedToiletRolls-edit

“Slightly Used”? Great!

Finally, Chief Oozing Toe Fungus will replace Chief Dog Breaking Wind and topple the Muleattoes rule over Barafrica. Cheezy Poofs and Grape Soda once again become plentiful as the Great Cleansing becomes complete. The AssStink Tribe begins to rebuild the Barafrican economy by building more casinos and encouraging tourism. All the bodies of the dead that have dehydrated from the diarrhea will be ground up and a new unlimited food source for the cheesy poofs industry will be created.

That is all I can see for now. Going into these altered states is very taxing. I will continue to submit my predictions as they manifest in my head.

Jim Roon, soothsayer and head reporter

CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANTS COME FORWARD!

February 9, 2010

Reporter Randy Earl
For immediate release
(Barafrican bureau)

On February 11, 2010 the president of IRAN Armygeeniedad, will disclose and distribute videos of the missile hitting the pentagon, he also has several recordings of Blair and Bush discussing the event 5 days prior to 911.

This includes pictures of the interior of the EMPTY jets hitting the twin towers.

This is expected to kick off the second half of the civil war.

updates to follow

OH MY!
Ian AL Simers
I’ve pooped myself!
😉

This Just In: MORE JIM ROON PREDICTIONS!

January 27, 2010

By Jim Roon AKA Randy

1-27-10

For immediate release.

I have been inundated with calls if this quake is the one http://www.infp.ro/ro/ .  Yes that is a large quake today in China (8.6), but the 9.6 is still coming.  I will be doing a channel today with all the plugins and expect to release the evacuation reports this weekend.  It is a good time to go skiing in the maountains with extra supplies.

So Long Stoopid Amerlikens!

Whee! My randing is cushioned by all bodies of dead Amelicans!

Energy release imminent.   Full rights given to distribute this release.

****************************************

Thanks Jim. I am already 5 steps ahead of you.
–Ian Al Simers, head honcho
🙂

W.T.S.H.T.F. – Breaking news for immediate release

January 25, 2010

BE SURE TO WEAR A VINYL PONCHO!

When The Shit Hits The Fan!

By reporter Jim Roon aka Randy

10am Barafrican time;

Magnitude 9.6 earthquake!


The normally docile residents of Roontown in southern Barafrica are getting antsy.   Animals are fleeing to the safety of the nearby cruise ships.  The rumblings are low frequency S waves emanating a methane smell that is choking the air.  Several gerbils have been seen coated in feces, running towards the great Amabo statue located beneath the Ickypoopoo volcano.
 

The IckyPooPoo Volcano

The Great Statue of AMABO

 


Several land masses have become visible rising from the ocean floor, which will create an odd shape similar to a set of truck nuts. We reached Chief Breaking wind for comment.  He said “all is in our prophecy, soon the flying monkeys will be dropping feces upon all the barracks”, he went on to warn of the coming fistula to appear in the sky as a sign to take cover in the cotton fields.

All are warned to prepare with the government supplied Depends, grape soda, cheezy poofs and Bactine; and to prepare for the opening of the gate at Uranus.

More to follow with this breaking story.
Read the previous Barafrica stories:
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/12/31/obama-works-his-voodoo-sends-limbaugh-to-the-hospital/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/08/16/chaos-erupts-in-courtroom/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/06/17/natives-sound-off-in-court/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/05/21/amabo-controversy-ended/
*****UPDATE*****
Chief breaking wind has just released the tale of the torn fistula. “After the vision of the truck nuts I was told that the fistula will tear in the sky and bathe the land in a red rain” .   Shortly thereafter, an odd red rain began to fall and government officials recommended placing the government issued Depends over your head.   This prompted the locals to rebel against the government calling and chanting “shit heads”.  

more to follow….
Good work Jim Roon! I won’t be answering the phone anymore though.
–Ian Al Simers, truly depressed

OBAMA WORKS HIS VOODOO SENDS LIMBAUGH TO THE HOSPITAL

December 31, 2009

Oh my aching head and shoulders!

By Reporter666

Honolulu, HI. Rush Limbaugh was rushed to the emergency room at HanaLiki-liki Memorial Hospital yesterday complaining of severe chest pain. Coincidentally, the AMABO and his spawn were in Honolulu on vacation from destroying the world. They were spotted on the beach and the AMABO was holding a straw doll that had a huge pin sticking out of it’s chest. Then he threw the doll into the surf, laughed hysterically and screamed “Beck, you’re next.”

Rush’s condition is still unknown at this time. Doctors can find no physical reason for his excruciating stabbing chest pain. Good thing for Rush that the AMABO’s health care package has not been implemented or he would be dead.

Since the AMABO like dolls, hey America, let’s send the AMABO some belated Xmas gifts: Kachina dolls! Buy them here. It is a known fact that Kachinas can hold evil spirits/disease and will pass it on to whomever possesses the doll.

This reporter won’t even include a picture of a doll for fear of cursing you readers. If you are brave enough you can click the above links and read all about it.

BRING IN 2010 WITH LOADS OF LAUGHS

December 29, 2009

By Ian Al Simers, Head Honcho

Hi all, and look what I have found on You Tube! These videos are sure to make you laugh til you burst your guts wide open and they are all FOR REAL! The person featured in the video is truly special.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

December 18, 2009

By Ian Al Simers, head honcho

That’s right. That’s right. I said it and I say it! Merry Christmas everybody!

It has been one heck of a roller coaster year for our beleaguered country. 2009 is ending and 2010 is just around the corner. What will this new year hold in store for us? Will the tribes people of Barafrica ever be freed from the crushing rule of the AMABO? Will his offspring, Sheneequa and Mudflaps, rain terror upon the world? Will anyone buy Gabe’s cock? Will the drunkard animal lover in Williams find a new friend in reporter J. Rooney?

Answers to these and many more questions will have to wait as father time ticks down the hours and minutes to the final stroke of midnight and the new year will begin.

I think this photograph pretty well sums up my sentiments for this past year of 2009. Perhaps you feel the same.

SO LONG 2009!

HUGO CHAVEZ ADMITS OBAMA IS SATAN

December 18, 2009

IT STILL SMELLS OF SULFUR! HAIL SATAN!

UNITED NATIONS –Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez addressed the U.N. after Obama stepped down and said, “It still smells like sulfur.” There was an audible gasp from the collected diplomats in the assembly as Hugo Chavez rushed off the podium to be with his Satanic brother. Will the evil ever stop?

Wake up People!

ARE YOU GETTING THE MESSAGE AMERICA?

ARE YOU GETTING THE MESSAGE AMERICA?

PRESIDENT OBAMA ADMITS HE IS A LIAR TO AMERICAN PEOPLE

September 15, 2009

By Reporter666

WASHINGTON, D.C.  In his nationally televised speech on Wednesday, September 9, 2009 (9-9-09; I think I see a relation to … 666! and how appropriate for AMABO to make a speech on such an EVIL day)  to the joint houses of the Senate and Representatives, the president openly admitted to telling a lie. He had just stated that illegal immigrants would not be eligible for his health care program and then his next statement was, “That is a lie” and then he coolly and calmly finished his speech.  Reactions of congress ranged from shocked disbelief to absolute agreement.


912-TeaParty-DC-09

The citizens, however,  were not surprised and were awakened from the spell that the AMABO had cast upon them. They organized themselves and marched on the capitol on September 12, 2009 to let their voices be heard.


Unfortunately, the AMABO was conveniently out of town that day addressing a coven in Minneapolis.

RedHoodMonkred_hood


Meanwhile, in the parking lot, a lot of vehicles sporting AMABO bumper stickers were found to have spawned a new one:


You_Lie

A TALE OF TWO TIMMY’S

August 29, 2009

By reporter666

TACOS, NM. In a secret underground bunker, the two Timmy’s finally met. I have exclusive access to the yet-to-be broadcast dialog/exchange between Timothy Geitner and Timmy (that’s pronounced T-I-M-M-A-E) from South Park.  Here is an excerpt:

TIMMAE!

TIMMAE!

Huh?

Huh?

TIMMAE?

TIMMAE?

Yes.

Yes.

NASA NOW PLANS TO FARM FISH IN SPACE

August 23, 2009
OH WE FORGOT ABOUT GAMMA RAYS! LOOKS LIKE WE NEED A BIGGER BOAT!

UH OH WE FORGOT ABOUT GAMMA RAYS! LOOKS LIKE WE NEED A BIGGER BOAT!

By C. Kent, reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

On the heels of a depressing report on the high mercury content in our nation’s streams and rivers and the fish living in those streams, the AMABO has ordered NASA to take up a new and more ambitious project in addition to blowing up the earth’s moon (see NASA LAUNCHES ROCKET TO BLOW UP THE MOON). NASA is now taking up fish farming in space! Inside the next shuttle launch will be hundreds of fish tanks filled with babies of all species of fish. When the shuttle reaches earth orbit, the tanks will be released and tethered to the space station. The occupants of the space station will be responsible for feeding the fish and cleaning the tanks. The shuttle crew will be responsible for harvesting the catch and bringing it back to earth for processing. The harvest will be featured on next season’s The Deadliest Catch.

Hi there!

Hi there! Zero Gravity Is Fun!

On another note, people of color should refrain from eating contaminated fish from earth especially white sea bass as they could suffer the same fate as Michael Jackson as he consumed tons of this fish and ultimately turned into a white woman and then died due to the fact that the compact fluorescent in his head blew up.  And now his brain is being studied by the U.S. Fish and Game Department. Welfare recipients around the nation are being denied benefits because they have turned white overnight because they ate too much government canned tuna. We are currently investigating the effects of government cheese and will report our findings.

Oh look some bail out money!

Oh look some bail out money!

Also due to the increased lethal levels in our nation’s fish, the AMABO has now ordered every manufacturer of light bulbs to use fish inside instead of compact fluorescent powder so that when the bulb dies you can eat it or donate it to a shelter under AMABO’S Feed American Program.

This should be easy!

Oh Yeah! This should be easy!

NEW MANTRA FROM THE AMABO FOR SENIORS AND CRITCALLY ILL YOUNGER PEOPLE

August 21, 2009

HAVE YOU SEEN THESE POSTED AT YOUR LOCAL CLINIC OR HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM?

Hey it's grape flavor! Yum Yum!

Hey it's grape flavor! Yum Yum!

JUST RELEASED: ACORN CENSUS TAKER UNIFORMS

August 5, 2009

By J. Rooney, still a midget/reformed dog rapist/reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

Have you seen these people wandering around your neighborhood? Well, in a bizarre turn of events, the AMABO administration has just released preliminary photos of the new ACORN census taker uniforms to the public.  The AMABO felt that the public should be shown the new ACORN uniforms as to prevent unnecessary calls to the police when the ACORN census takers start making the rounds across Barafrica.  So if you see this uniform in your neighborhood, I think you know what to do. If you don’t, just watch the old Frankenstein movie starring Boris Karloff. Think villagers, frightened angry villagers. . .

How about a little fire, scarecrow?
How about a little fire, scarecrow?

SAFARI GROUP ATTACKED BY KILLER BUTTERFLIES

July 31, 2009
Artists rendering of the Barafrican Killer Butterfly

Barafrican 'CrackHead' Butterfly

butterfliesby C. Kent, reporter, World Daily Planet News

BARAFRICA.  Butterflies throughout history have been associated with gentleness and sweetness. Well, that is until now. In what can only be described as total mayhem, a group of tourists on safari in Barafrica were viciously attacked by a swarm of killer butterflies.  “We had just stopped and exited our  jeeps and we were out looking at the different animals on the savannah, when all of a sudden from out of nowhere a huge swarm of butterflies came down on us and attacked!”, said S. Irwin, safari guide.  A group of 40 tourists were treated for severe bite wounds and scratches, according to the local hospital spokesman, Nikindee Ubuntu. “We have known of this in the past, but it has only been reported by the remote tribal peoples of the Muleatto and AssStink. We have never seen it in our M’kindle Game Preserve ever!” “Everyone was running around and screaming”, said Lars Ooomf, a tourist from Greenland. “My wife is blind now, they ate out her eyes!”

All upcoming safari treks to the savannah have been canceled until the park is deemed safe according to Ipnikle Eteetam, director of the game preserve.   “We have everyone who visits the park sign a waiver that clearly states that all the animals in our park are dangerous. These butterflies only have a life span of 1000 days (which would explain their viciousness), so I no worry”.

I visited the attack site and was horrified to see severed arms and legs strewn about the abandoned rovers and a human head  being finished off by the giant Barafrican vulture, Bernankeee.  Black gooey butterfly excrement (which is indicative of a high presence of blood) was everywhere, and the local tribal peoples, the EHCOURN, were collecting it to use in the leading export of Barafrica, AMABO-GROE fertilizer, as currently used in the White House ‘organic’ garden.  It is this reporter’s opinion that everything in and from Barafrica is a killer.