Posts Tagged ‘castrate’

MY MENTAL RANDOM THOUGHTS FOR TODAY

May 5, 2016

By Jim Roon, seasoned-reporter-on-the-edge, May 5, 2016  Son Los Cinco!

A SpinningCarousel

That’s the way I interpret the world. The media fills your head with hopeful things. I’m so busy, my head is spinning, all the notes and work they pile up on me.  Arsenio Hall was Prince’s drug dealer-they are still clinging on to that story? Arsenio Hall is suing now.  All the guests got drugs when they came out on his talk show; I saw this.  Why don’t they just put a bullet in his head? Are they still on the air? They film a lot of sh*t, they filmed it all there, right? It was pretty amazing that they created all that in a studio. He had little monkeys working for him. The Chinese are buying Hollywood theaters and they now want to buy the studios.  I hear sirens. I don’t think he cares, I don’t think the nickel and dime stuff really matters to him.

DidYouKnowObamaCare

You should always have a reptile in your camp and a skin-walker too. I like fish sticks, I’m moving to San Francisco to the streets. They showed the little animation and the center of it needs to slip, that would be the epicenter. Let’s say you had a car wreck, a fender bender by Geico, or the new movie Gender Bender; it’s about a guy going around bumping you in the rear.

GeicoHitNRun

They shut my water off today and I forgot to save some water buckets to flush my toilet. So I just let the sh*t pile up in my toilet and I’ll use my cane to stuff the sh*t down when they turn my water back on. You have to be prepared when they shut off your electricity to climb the pole and turn it back on. I’ve done this many times. That was nothing to me.

IceCreamFudgeChunks

I like ice cream. Fudgepacker New York Bend-Over Double Fudge. It’s better than rocky road because it doesn’t have marshmallows that are total HFC’s. But this one has white hard chocolate, walnuts and almonds in it. It don’t have no f****n peanuts in it. It was a bit unusual. I add red onion, celery, good ground up parsley, mustard, vinegar, mayonnaise, salt, paprika, pepper and finally lots and lots of hard boiled eggs. Compared to others I would say it would definitely to my preference is the best, better than any store. Oh and I put some dill relish in it. Guess what is in sweet relish, guess what’s in it ? High f*****g fructose corn syrup! So I put it back on the shelf. They have to put that everywhere! They want the Jews dead, hell the Nazi’s got that started. You should listen to that guy, just to hear about the globalists and the GMOs that they want and he went over everything. He actually talked to Ted Cruz and Ted Cruz is a globalist! He was talking about how important some trades issues; and that is a one-on-one conversation with these people and then they are blabbing. You go to China or Mexico and try to buy property, good luck! Anyone can buy here; the Chinese are buying it like crazy! Anchor babies are everywhere! Chinese pregnant women dropping babies here.

Antenna_photo

Oh it’s raining and I saw some lightning! I always like some lightning. Oh lightning just happened; boomed, there it went.  Glad my antenna isn’t grounded. I hope it rains a lot.

RottenApple

I’m pissed at Apple. They didn’t allow the mayor of Cupertino onto their campus. Apple isn’t paying for any of their infrastructure, the city is. Apple will never move into that stupid space ship; they are a Chinese company now. China is gonna screw them such big time. The butt-f*cker thinks he owns stock but if it goes to China, China will just take it all away.  I’d love to see the Apple security guards against real police officers.  Apple is all rotted and decayed since Steve died; Apple doesn’t pay taxes at all. Wait til they find out what Google is doing to them; that floating piece of sh*t. I think we should declare war on all corporations, they are the ones who have destroyed our country. Hilary she’s all about cashing in; can you imagine what she looks like without makeup? I have a peanut butter jelly sandwich on me. Goodbye.

*************************

Editors note:  Thanks Jim for another insightful rambling article. Really Jim, get some help!

IanALSimers, head honcho  🙂

please-have-a-seat-just-so-you-know-the-while-poprocks-in-the-litter-box-was-not-funny-not-funny-at-all-meme-1449861735

And…we’re back!

October 21, 2015

by Ian AL Simers

We are all back together now that Jim Roon has been released from the Gabriel Nervous Clinic (GNC) in Lisbon.  He took to the healing waters very well and also lost 150 pounds (and 3 1/2 pounds of tapeworms) and got rid of his persistent foot fungus.  So Jim is back with us waiting until next month when he will have his prolapsed rectum repaired at the Mercy-mee Hospital.  Expect a full report entitled “From an Outie to an Innie” complete with pictures during and after surgery.  Way to go Jim!  Ben Carson and J. Olsen are still on the road in their rented RV scouring the vast lands of Barafrica for the latest information on the Muletoes and AssStink tribes.

More to come as the news flows in!

Ian AL Simers, head honcho 🙂

 

 

2013 Year In Review And 2014 Predictions

January 1, 2014
HA! I WAS RIGHT!

Jim Roon in trance in France.

By Jim Roon, soothsayer and head reporter

HA! I WAS RIGHT ON TARGET! And speaking of Target, in 2014 Gabe’s Cocks will go out of business due to a bank computer glitch that wiped out his account. The bankruptcy judge will be selling his cock on Saturday to the highest bidder at auction to satisfy the Honey Badgers as they attempt to collect their tribute from the once great company.

Freak doesn't even cover this behavior!

Freaky doesn’t even begin to describe this!

As I predicted, many movie starlets have been observed eating cat turds, one for example is Miley Syphilis who has taken her cat fancy to new disturbing levels at the direct command of the great AMABO. Her erratic behavior is further evidence of her addiction to the cat fecal matter.

iBleed money, do you?

iBleed money, do you?

In late 2013 Apple introduced the new emasculating top-of-their-line computer, the iTAMPON. This item will soon be discontinued because it ships with only the outside and not the actual tampon inside the tube.

Now for my 2014 PREDICTIONS.

Finally the Muleattoes are pushed over the limit and revolt against the AMABO. This causes Icky-PooPoo to rumble in terror. Watch for these signs:

falling-rock-safety-sign4-manFallingRockCartsunamisign

TsunamiCity

When these signs appear to you, you will know that the Galactic Federation is fed up with Chief Dog Breaking Wind’s antics and has begun bombarding the earth with alien garbage that appears to be rocks but that are really alien burnt up turds that will contaminate the earth with a virus that causes explosive uncontrollable diarrhea (runny shits) and severe dehydration.

Explosivediahrrea-toilet-edit

That's a 3 pounder if I've ever seen one!

That’s a 3 pounder if I’ve ever seen one!

PooPantsLongRun

Oooh, I can smell it from here!

Severe dehydration - the first step in Our New Food.

Severe dehydration – the first step in Our New Food.

One giant turd meant for Chief Dog Breaking Wind will land off the west coast of Barafrica causing a giant tsunami which will envelope the Herpés-Sore island where the Chief is spending the country’s inheritance on gay hookers and rare barbee dolls that remind him of his childhood.

trailer_trash-barbie

Do ya got a light honey? Buy me a beer, I’m drinkin’ fer two!

It's A Gay Anemone!

It’s A Gay Anemone!

Out of this chaos, will come another chief, Chief Oozing Toe Fungus from the AssStink Tribe. His trusted son, FleckAPoo who has been a medicine man for many years, will conduct a nation-wide cleansing which will result in massive shortages of baby-butt wipes. INVEST NOW! Buy as many packages as you can, they will be worth more than GOLD!

baby-wipes

Worth their weight in GOLD!!

UsedToiletRolls-edit

“Slightly Used”? Great!

Finally, Chief Oozing Toe Fungus will replace Chief Dog Breaking Wind and topple the Muleattoes rule over Barafrica. Cheezy Poofs and Grape Soda once again become plentiful as the Great Cleansing becomes complete. The AssStink Tribe begins to rebuild the Barafrican economy by building more casinos and encouraging tourism. All the bodies of the dead that have dehydrated from the diarrhea will be ground up and a new unlimited food source for the cheesy poofs industry will be created.

That is all I can see for now. Going into these altered states is very taxing. I will continue to submit my predictions as they manifest in my head.

Jim Roon, soothsayer and head reporter

2012 Year-In-Review

December 22, 2012
The One True Crystal Head vodka

The One True Crystal Head vodka

Commentary by Ian AL Simers, head honcho

Well December 21 came and went and I completed my Crystal Skull Vodka Ceremony while hovering over The Great AMABO’s Drinking Fountain (the Sacred Porcelain Bowl).

The senior council at the Barafrican Council has re-elected Chief Dog Breaking Wind as Supreme Commander of the Muleattoe Tribe. This caused a great unrest in the nation as the subservient AssStink tribe is getting restless as the Muleattoes are attempting to take away their bows and arrows claiming that the Muleattoes will keep them safe and protect and feed them.

Currently the AMABO is at the base of the sacred IckyPooPoo volcano as it oozes AMABO snot into the ocean. He is sacrificing the rights of the country into the molten mouth of the volcano.

We have received from confidential sources close to The Great Leader startling information about the spawn of the AMABO, Sheeneequa and Mudflaps (S & M), who are being bred with jackals in the hopes that one of the bitches will have a litter and we can witness another round of Gabe’s Cock Fights to determine who will take over the Trident Of Power in four years.

The AMABO has begun a community-based mind control program called Operation-MF.  The reporter below will give the directive to the targets. Listen carefully to what she is forced to say.

And this reporter talking to Canadians about the UN??

This is certainly the call to the wild for the Jackals to come in to the heat of the IckyPooPoo Volcano to drop spawn into the loins of The Great Leader’s bitches.

There will be many ceremonies during this dark time of The Spawn; such as the Muleattoe’s celebration upon hoisting their savior. They appear to need ‘Harvey’s Milk’?

I am looking forward to spending my New Year’s Eve with my reporters Jim Roon and J. Olsen.

GMO Food is Good For You

GMO Food is Good For You

We are planning to spend the next year underground in our bunker eating all this GMO food since the Mayans screwed us over, again.

NEW HOME REMEDIES FOR BEDBUGS

August 28, 2010

Helloooooooooooooooo!

Reported in the “Barafrican Journal”  by Jim Roon aka Randy

With the recent outbreak across the globe of the feared “amabo bedbug” we spoke to Chief Breaking Wind for guidance:  “With  the urgency of this matter, I have had a vision, everyone must trap one of the feces covered gerbils and place 6 to seven in their homes.
Once you have the international harvesters in place, the next step is most urgent. Find someone with scabies and infect yourself, then smear the amabo-snot all over yourself.  Amabo-snot may be found oozing from the the side of the Ickypoopoo volcano”.  He continued,  “During this next week you must eat 66 bulls balls from Williams AZ, also known as the toilet of the USA”.  He went on, “When you defecate, place the turds in the sealed boxes and forward them to the satan box 666 in Williams Arizona so that the festering, goat-humping saller donutman can eat them”.

Let’s all play “Where’s Sayleer?”!

While this seems odd to me, the Chief has always given sound advice.  This will work to exterminate bedbugs.

Editor’s note: Thanks Jim for another great submission.  I spoke with an extermination expert who recommended ‘Bedlam’. Just ask for it by name at your local home improvement center. Be sure to follow the package directions carefully.–Ian AL Simers, head honcho 🙂

 

Stand Back! I am a Professional!

 

Bedlam! It’s what’s waiting for them!

 

ANZEL ADDAMS . . . G*E*N*U*I*S?

July 25, 2010

Photo entitled 'Hangover Oak on a dewy morn'

by Salvacion Maria Dolly; pictures courtesy Melinda Ryan

I couldn’t be more sick and tired of all the to-do over this Anzel Addams.   History has been way too kind to this guy.   It’s time the whole sobering story was told.   Forget everything you ever have read about him.   Read these words now and you can believe them later.

Addams was a hopeless bum and drunkard.   Only someone with no responsibilities at all would have the time to sit in the forest and take pictures.   All you hear is that he was a genius with light and texture.   If you haven’t noticed, the forest is a beautiful place!   It doesn’t matter what time of day, you’ll get a great photo.

Now, this Addams fella was what we would nowadays call an indigent homeless, scum-sucking, fudge-packing, dirtbag .   He would hang around in state parks and rummage though the dumpsters and chemical toilets for discarded table scraps, partially digested food found near public restrooms and vomitoriums and soiled Depends, not unlike Yogi bear.  These things might be bear-proof but they aren’t Anzel proof! All the campers thought that a bear got into the cooler or picnic basket, when in reality it was Anzel. He even left some scat to cover his thefts. Oh, and of course any and all liquor/beer would be taken.

He had no problem with sleeping arrangements since he could get all the camping equipment he needed the same way he got the food.

Exclusive: Addams taking a 'nap'!

So all he did was hang out and take pictures.

Now here is the most revealing fact about him.   How he decided when it was the perfect time to take the picture.   You won’t believe this.   The bum was a hopeless drunk.   He would take a bottle of whatever hooch he heisted and head off to a hilltop or meadow.   He’d guzzle that hooch until he passed out.   The first thing he did when he came-to was to grab his bulb release and squeeze.

That’s it!!!

That’s how he decided when to take the perfect photo.

The one with the perfect light.

The one with the perfect composition.

The one with the perfect texture.

It was his private secret and he got the biggest kick out of how flatlanders thought he had some gift or something.

Well there it is.

Time to rewrite the history books.

Heck, if I had that much time I could do the same thing.

Sorry to burst the bubble but that’s the way I see it.

Family and friends made many many attempts to get Addams into rehab. None of them were successful.

Addams at his first rehab clinic.

His alcoholism and poor hygiene took it’s toll on him in the end.


One of his last self-portrait shots

Alcoholism is a very bad thing. Poor Anzel suffered greatly from being chewed on by the forest critters while he was passed out. WARNING GRAPHIC!!!!!

He suffered greatly for his 'art'

I personally have two photos in my collection of him. The first one was taken the morning after his gallery opening. He would often take the money he got for his ‘art’ and spend it on a night of bar-hopping in the homo district. He would always wake up in an alley with a headache and a bleeding rectum.

Another successful gallery opening!

This second picture is of my 5th cousin 3rd removed and Addams after about 60 shots. Addams won that competition. He isn’t looking at the camera because by that age  he was already legally blind from a lifetime of drinking cheap hooch!

Ah, good times, good times.


CONFIDENTIAL INFORMANTS COME FORWARD!

February 9, 2010

Reporter Randy Earl
For immediate release
(Barafrican bureau)

On February 11, 2010 the president of IRAN Armygeeniedad, will disclose and distribute videos of the missile hitting the pentagon, he also has several recordings of Blair and Bush discussing the event 5 days prior to 911.

This includes pictures of the interior of the EMPTY jets hitting the twin towers.

This is expected to kick off the second half of the civil war.

updates to follow

OH MY!
Ian AL Simers
I’ve pooped myself!
😉

This Just In: MORE JIM ROON PREDICTIONS!

January 27, 2010

By Jim Roon AKA Randy

1-27-10

For immediate release.

I have been inundated with calls if this quake is the one http://www.infp.ro/ro/ .  Yes that is a large quake today in China (8.6), but the 9.6 is still coming.  I will be doing a channel today with all the plugins and expect to release the evacuation reports this weekend.  It is a good time to go skiing in the maountains with extra supplies.

So Long Stoopid Amerlikens!

Whee! My randing is cushioned by all bodies of dead Amelicans!

Energy release imminent.   Full rights given to distribute this release.

****************************************

Thanks Jim. I am already 5 steps ahead of you.
–Ian Al Simers, head honcho
🙂

W.T.S.H.T.F. – Breaking news for immediate release

January 25, 2010

BE SURE TO WEAR A VINYL PONCHO!

When The Shit Hits The Fan!

By reporter Jim Roon aka Randy

10am Barafrican time;

Magnitude 9.6 earthquake!


The normally docile residents of Roontown in southern Barafrica are getting antsy.   Animals are fleeing to the safety of the nearby cruise ships.  The rumblings are low frequency S waves emanating a methane smell that is choking the air.  Several gerbils have been seen coated in feces, running towards the great Amabo statue located beneath the Ickypoopoo volcano.
 

The IckyPooPoo Volcano

The Great Statue of AMABO

 


Several land masses have become visible rising from the ocean floor, which will create an odd shape similar to a set of truck nuts. We reached Chief Breaking wind for comment.  He said “all is in our prophecy, soon the flying monkeys will be dropping feces upon all the barracks”, he went on to warn of the coming fistula to appear in the sky as a sign to take cover in the cotton fields.

All are warned to prepare with the government supplied Depends, grape soda, cheezy poofs and Bactine; and to prepare for the opening of the gate at Uranus.

More to follow with this breaking story.
Read the previous Barafrica stories:
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/12/31/obama-works-his-voodoo-sends-limbaugh-to-the-hospital/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/08/16/chaos-erupts-in-courtroom/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/06/17/natives-sound-off-in-court/
https://iamneutered.wordpress.com/2009/05/21/amabo-controversy-ended/
*****UPDATE*****
Chief breaking wind has just released the tale of the torn fistula. “After the vision of the truck nuts I was told that the fistula will tear in the sky and bathe the land in a red rain” .   Shortly thereafter, an odd red rain began to fall and government officials recommended placing the government issued Depends over your head.   This prompted the locals to rebel against the government calling and chanting “shit heads”.  

more to follow….
Good work Jim Roon! I won’t be answering the phone anymore though.
–Ian Al Simers, truly depressed

OBAMA WORKS HIS VOODOO SENDS LIMBAUGH TO THE HOSPITAL

December 31, 2009

Oh my aching head and shoulders!

By Reporter666

Honolulu, HI. Rush Limbaugh was rushed to the emergency room at HanaLiki-liki Memorial Hospital yesterday complaining of severe chest pain. Coincidentally, the AMABO and his spawn were in Honolulu on vacation from destroying the world. They were spotted on the beach and the AMABO was holding a straw doll that had a huge pin sticking out of it’s chest. Then he threw the doll into the surf, laughed hysterically and screamed “Beck, you’re next.”

Rush’s condition is still unknown at this time. Doctors can find no physical reason for his excruciating stabbing chest pain. Good thing for Rush that the AMABO’s health care package has not been implemented or he would be dead.

Since the AMABO like dolls, hey America, let’s send the AMABO some belated Xmas gifts: Kachina dolls! Buy them here. It is a known fact that Kachinas can hold evil spirits/disease and will pass it on to whomever possesses the doll.

This reporter won’t even include a picture of a doll for fear of cursing you readers. If you are brave enough you can click the above links and read all about it.

BRING IN 2010 WITH LOADS OF LAUGHS

December 29, 2009

By Ian Al Simers, Head Honcho

Hi all, and look what I have found on You Tube! These videos are sure to make you laugh til you burst your guts wide open and they are all FOR REAL! The person featured in the video is truly special.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

December 18, 2009

By Ian Al Simers, head honcho

That’s right. That’s right. I said it and I say it! Merry Christmas everybody!

It has been one heck of a roller coaster year for our beleaguered country. 2009 is ending and 2010 is just around the corner. What will this new year hold in store for us? Will the tribes people of Barafrica ever be freed from the crushing rule of the AMABO? Will his offspring, Sheneequa and Mudflaps, rain terror upon the world? Will anyone buy Gabe’s cock? Will the drunkard animal lover in Williams find a new friend in reporter J. Rooney?

Answers to these and many more questions will have to wait as father time ticks down the hours and minutes to the final stroke of midnight and the new year will begin.

I think this photograph pretty well sums up my sentiments for this past year of 2009. Perhaps you feel the same.

SO LONG 2009!

HUGO CHAVEZ ADMITS OBAMA IS SATAN

December 18, 2009

IT STILL SMELLS OF SULFUR! HAIL SATAN!

UNITED NATIONS –Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez addressed the U.N. after Obama stepped down and said, “It still smells like sulfur.” There was an audible gasp from the collected diplomats in the assembly as Hugo Chavez rushed off the podium to be with his Satanic brother. Will the evil ever stop?

Wake up People!

ARE YOU GETTING THE MESSAGE AMERICA?

ARE YOU GETTING THE MESSAGE AMERICA?

PRESIDENT OBAMA ADMITS HE IS A LIAR TO AMERICAN PEOPLE

September 15, 2009

By Reporter666

WASHINGTON, D.C.  In his nationally televised speech on Wednesday, September 9, 2009 (9-9-09; I think I see a relation to … 666! and how appropriate for AMABO to make a speech on such an EVIL day)  to the joint houses of the Senate and Representatives, the president openly admitted to telling a lie. He had just stated that illegal immigrants would not be eligible for his health care program and then his next statement was, “That is a lie” and then he coolly and calmly finished his speech.  Reactions of congress ranged from shocked disbelief to absolute agreement.


912-TeaParty-DC-09

The citizens, however,  were not surprised and were awakened from the spell that the AMABO had cast upon them. They organized themselves and marched on the capitol on September 12, 2009 to let their voices be heard.


Unfortunately, the AMABO was conveniently out of town that day addressing a coven in Minneapolis.

RedHoodMonkred_hood


Meanwhile, in the parking lot, a lot of vehicles sporting AMABO bumper stickers were found to have spawned a new one:


You_Lie

WOMAN BEATEN TO DEATH BY WAL-MART EMPLOYEES AFTER BUYING AMERICAN MADE MICHAEL JACKSON’S THRILLER DVD POLICE REFUSE TO RESPOND

September 8, 2009
MJThriller

Which one of you ate my brain?

By Mouseé Tongue, cub-reporter, China Bureau, World Daily Planet News

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5jUcqst3ZW9cVVaQV7XKG3y8SYSIg

In an unprecedented event, a woman who purchased the Thriller DVD of the late Michael Jackson was beaten to death and then eaten outside of a Wal-Mart by store employees. She tried to  phone for help, but her calls to police were ignored. The employees all received big bonuses for their patriotic work and support of the Chinese Communist Party Free Trade Policy plus one year’s supply of blood sausage and a voucher for a free kidney.

Wash Her Down With Johnny Walker Black!

Wash Her Down With Johnny Walker Black!

This comes on the heels of China announcing it’s foreclosure on the United States of America on September 20, 2009, when the Chinese Communist Flag will be raised at the AMABO white house. China’s new trade policy is: purchasing anything made in the USA is punishable by immediate death by any means available. However, after September 20, anything currently made in North America will be labeled Made In China. Also the United States of America will be hereby known as the United Slaves of China. Everyone get your Little Red Book! This is all according to the prophesy of Chinese Astrology.