Posts Tagged ‘allthenutz’

2018 PREDICTIONS

December 29, 2017

by Shee-La Rooney, from the Island of Puffy Faces

***********************************

After two bottles of Hennessey,  here’s my predictions for 2018.

This year more Barafricans will be playing Wheel of Fortune with their Barafricos.  Sales of vowels will skyrocket!

 

All the enemies of the new Chief will be exiled to Obscurity–a place from which no one returns.

 

The known snake oil salesman Alias Sobriquet has convinced all Barafricans to exchange their Barafricos and food stores to a virtual crypto-currency called The Bezos. They are so proud of themselves as the captain sails away with all their worldly possessions. As they are starving, they will realize they should have listened to the great Trumpest.

 

The new Chief will build a wall around Barafrica to keep all the Barafricans in.

 

The current NFL will fold due to the fact that 1) no fans 2) no sponsors and finally 3) no players. The league decides to reorganize and open up to new players.

Auditions for the new National Flatulence League.

 

Highlights from THE FUTURE (ol’ Jim could NEVER DO THAT)  of the NFL contest between the Cleveland Cows and the Houston Hippopotamuses.

The Cows:

And the Hippos: https://youtu.be/PSKQ3ZNQ_O8?t=16s

A close contest but the Hippos win.

 

Space aliens are back in the news. Barafrica will be visited by beings from another galaxy.  They will bring gifts of viruses and pestilence and will want in return to eat all the Portuguese.

 

This will be the first Olympics where men and women can select which team they want to be on and what gender they will be representing. This will result in all the women sitting on the benches/sidelines.  Barafrica will not be attending the 2018 winter Olympics as the new Chief will have destroyed Ching Chong in Bing Bong in Norte Kia with just one intense look from his eyes the lightning laser bolts shoot out and vaporize the country. The aliens then will be awarded the land of Norte Kia to use a galactic rest stop, featuring 17 full service restrooms and several strategically located flushing stations and a quickie mart.

 

I will be divorcing Jim as he keeps shoving me into the background and won’t let me speak. It’s no fun to be locked up all the time. Inside me, that’s where I scream. I scream on the inside. What are you looking at bus-man?

**************************

Thank you Shee-La, good luck to you girl and you might want to have someone check out those dead-eyes of yours.

Ian AL Simers,

slightly nervous head honcho  😉

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NEW HOME REMEDIES FOR BEDBUGS

August 28, 2010

Helloooooooooooooooo!

Reported in the “Barafrican Journal”  by Jim Roon aka Randy

With the recent outbreak across the globe of the feared “amabo bedbug” we spoke to Chief Breaking Wind for guidance:  “With  the urgency of this matter, I have had a vision, everyone must trap one of the feces covered gerbils and place 6 to seven in their homes.
Once you have the international harvesters in place, the next step is most urgent. Find someone with scabies and infect yourself, then smear the amabo-snot all over yourself.  Amabo-snot may be found oozing from the the side of the Ickypoopoo volcano”.  He continued,  “During this next week you must eat 66 bulls balls from Williams AZ, also known as the toilet of the USA”.  He went on, “When you defecate, place the turds in the sealed boxes and forward them to the satan box 666 in Williams Arizona so that the festering, goat-humping saller donutman can eat them”.

Let’s all play “Where’s Sayleer?”!

While this seems odd to me, the Chief has always given sound advice.  This will work to exterminate bedbugs.

Editor’s note: Thanks Jim for another great submission.  I spoke with an extermination expert who recommended ‘Bedlam’. Just ask for it by name at your local home improvement center. Be sure to follow the package directions carefully.–Ian AL Simers, head honcho 🙂

 

Stand Back! I am a Professional!

 

Bedlam! It’s what’s waiting for them!

 

ANZEL ADDAMS . . . G*E*N*U*I*S?

July 25, 2010

Photo entitled 'Hangover Oak on a dewy morn'

by Salvacion Maria Dolly; pictures courtesy Melinda Ryan

I couldn’t be more sick and tired of all the to-do over this Anzel Addams.   History has been way too kind to this guy.   It’s time the whole sobering story was told.   Forget everything you ever have read about him.   Read these words now and you can believe them later.

Addams was a hopeless bum and drunkard.   Only someone with no responsibilities at all would have the time to sit in the forest and take pictures.   All you hear is that he was a genius with light and texture.   If you haven’t noticed, the forest is a beautiful place!   It doesn’t matter what time of day, you’ll get a great photo.

Now, this Addams fella was what we would nowadays call an indigent homeless, scum-sucking, fudge-packing, dirtbag .   He would hang around in state parks and rummage though the dumpsters and chemical toilets for discarded table scraps, partially digested food found near public restrooms and vomitoriums and soiled Depends, not unlike Yogi bear.  These things might be bear-proof but they aren’t Anzel proof! All the campers thought that a bear got into the cooler or picnic basket, when in reality it was Anzel. He even left some scat to cover his thefts. Oh, and of course any and all liquor/beer would be taken.

He had no problem with sleeping arrangements since he could get all the camping equipment he needed the same way he got the food.

Exclusive: Addams taking a 'nap'!

So all he did was hang out and take pictures.

Now here is the most revealing fact about him.   How he decided when it was the perfect time to take the picture.   You won’t believe this.   The bum was a hopeless drunk.   He would take a bottle of whatever hooch he heisted and head off to a hilltop or meadow.   He’d guzzle that hooch until he passed out.   The first thing he did when he came-to was to grab his bulb release and squeeze.

That’s it!!!

That’s how he decided when to take the perfect photo.

The one with the perfect light.

The one with the perfect composition.

The one with the perfect texture.

It was his private secret and he got the biggest kick out of how flatlanders thought he had some gift or something.

Well there it is.

Time to rewrite the history books.

Heck, if I had that much time I could do the same thing.

Sorry to burst the bubble but that’s the way I see it.

Family and friends made many many attempts to get Addams into rehab. None of them were successful.

Addams at his first rehab clinic.

His alcoholism and poor hygiene took it’s toll on him in the end.


One of his last self-portrait shots

Alcoholism is a very bad thing. Poor Anzel suffered greatly from being chewed on by the forest critters while he was passed out. WARNING GRAPHIC!!!!!

He suffered greatly for his 'art'

I personally have two photos in my collection of him. The first one was taken the morning after his gallery opening. He would often take the money he got for his ‘art’ and spend it on a night of bar-hopping in the homo district. He would always wake up in an alley with a headache and a bleeding rectum.

Another successful gallery opening!

This second picture is of my 5th cousin 3rd removed and Addams after about 60 shots. Addams won that competition. He isn’t looking at the camera because by that age  he was already legally blind from a lifetime of drinking cheap hooch!

Ah, good times, good times.


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

December 18, 2009

By Ian Al Simers, head honcho

That’s right. That’s right. I said it and I say it! Merry Christmas everybody!

It has been one heck of a roller coaster year for our beleaguered country. 2009 is ending and 2010 is just around the corner. What will this new year hold in store for us? Will the tribes people of Barafrica ever be freed from the crushing rule of the AMABO? Will his offspring, Sheneequa and Mudflaps, rain terror upon the world? Will anyone buy Gabe’s cock? Will the drunkard animal lover in Williams find a new friend in reporter J. Rooney?

Answers to these and many more questions will have to wait as father time ticks down the hours and minutes to the final stroke of midnight and the new year will begin.

I think this photograph pretty well sums up my sentiments for this past year of 2009. Perhaps you feel the same.

SO LONG 2009!

SAFARI GROUP ATTACKED BY KILLER BUTTERFLIES

July 31, 2009
Artists rendering of the Barafrican Killer Butterfly

Barafrican 'CrackHead' Butterfly

butterfliesby C. Kent, reporter, World Daily Planet News

BARAFRICA.  Butterflies throughout history have been associated with gentleness and sweetness. Well, that is until now. In what can only be described as total mayhem, a group of tourists on safari in Barafrica were viciously attacked by a swarm of killer butterflies.  “We had just stopped and exited our  jeeps and we were out looking at the different animals on the savannah, when all of a sudden from out of nowhere a huge swarm of butterflies came down on us and attacked!”, said S. Irwin, safari guide.  A group of 40 tourists were treated for severe bite wounds and scratches, according to the local hospital spokesman, Nikindee Ubuntu. “We have known of this in the past, but it has only been reported by the remote tribal peoples of the Muleatto and AssStink. We have never seen it in our M’kindle Game Preserve ever!” “Everyone was running around and screaming”, said Lars Ooomf, a tourist from Greenland. “My wife is blind now, they ate out her eyes!”

All upcoming safari treks to the savannah have been canceled until the park is deemed safe according to Ipnikle Eteetam, director of the game preserve.   “We have everyone who visits the park sign a waiver that clearly states that all the animals in our park are dangerous. These butterflies only have a life span of 1000 days (which would explain their viciousness), so I no worry”.

I visited the attack site and was horrified to see severed arms and legs strewn about the abandoned rovers and a human head  being finished off by the giant Barafrican vulture, Bernankeee.  Black gooey butterfly excrement (which is indicative of a high presence of blood) was everywhere, and the local tribal peoples, the EHCOURN, were collecting it to use in the leading export of Barafrica, AMABO-GROE fertilizer, as currently used in the White House ‘organic’ garden.  It is this reporter’s opinion that everything in and from Barafrica is a killer.

THE WHITE HOUSE NEW PRESS RELEASE

July 14, 2009
amaboBBQsTheNation

Hey I think that one is done Master!

New photograph surfaces of the AMABO barbequeing  YOUR NUTS at the White House July 4th cook-out! If that doesn’t wake you up to the truth maybe these will!

More disturbing images are surfacing!

amabohitler

amabonazi

amabomarx

amabojebus

amabopisser


JUST RELEASED: NEW OBAMA PHOTOS

July 3, 2009

By C. Kent, reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

You just can’t beat the movie classics for showing off the ‘NOBAMA CHANGE’!

Bonnie & Clyde is now Berry & Shelly

Bonnie & Clyde is now Berry & Shelly

Treasure of the Sierra Madre is now Treasure of the Taxpayers

Treasure of the Sierra Madre is now Treasure of the Taxpayers

The Godfather is now The ObamaAlla

The Godfather is now The ObamaAlla

It's A Wonderful Life is now It's An Obama Living Hell

It's A Wonderful Life is now Life Is Hell Living Under Obama

Gone With The Wind is now Gone With The Obama-nation SATAN

Gone With The Wind is now Gone With The Obama-nation SATAN

The Wizard Of Oz is now The Satanic Obama Wizard Of Hell

The Wizard Of Oz is now The Satanic Obama Wizard Of Hell

Obama IS the Wicked Witch of the West!

Obama IS the Wicked Witch of the West!

You can find more stuff like this at www.iowntheworld.com! Check them out! The site is hilarious and RIGHT ON TARGET!

HI KIDS! I’M THE HANDI-DOUGHNUT MAN!

May 23, 2009

by J. Olsen, cub-reporter for the World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

FUDGE PACKERS UNITE! IT’S THE HANDI-DOUGHNUT MAN! What a physique! I just want to lick his smooth, silky, creamy hole until the ecstacy overwhelms me with shivers and breathlessness. Just one look at this photo and you’ll feel the same. He told me his name is DJ Rellas. But to me he is muy sauve and all macho.

COME LICK ME!

COME LICK ME!

THE PERFECT GIFT FOR YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS!

May 21, 2009

GUNS ARE BAD, UMKAY.  SO WE’LL JUST TAKE THEM AWAY FROM YOU AND USE THEM FOR OUR OWN PROTECTION!

GO AHEAD . . . MAKE MY DAY! :)

GO AHEAD . . . MAKE MY DAY! 🙂

FOR THE TWO-FACED AMABO!

May 16, 2009

CAUGHT THIS IN A BRIEF MOMENT WHEN HE COULD NOT HOLD HIS SHAPE!

TwoHeadedBaby_devilbaby

Aw, don't cry, it's just a 2nd degree burn!

LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH!

April 6, 2009
OWIE OW OW OW OW OUCH THAT'S TO LOOK AT!

OWIE OW OW OW OW OUCH THAT'S PAINFUL TO LOOK AT!

HEY FOLKS, YOU JUST HAVE TO SKIP OVER TO WIKIPEDIA TO FIND THIS ONE!

THIS POOR CREATURE DEFINITELY NEEDS A SET

OF BALLS

HOW ABOUT YOU?

DO YOU FEEL LIKE LIFE HAS DONE THIS TO YOU?

THEN GET YOUR BALLS BACK TODAY!