Archive for December, 2017

BREAKING NEWS ALERT

December 31, 2017

By Ian AL Simers, head honcho

BSS CHOCOLATE-LOG

Elktre Moussee has just announced that starting in 2018 he will be offering a new adventure cruise on his latest acquisition, the Chocolate-Log, a nukeclear submarine that can hold 213,000 passengers who would pay 5000 Barafricos per person to traverse the North Pole completely submerged.  The voyage would depart the northern drippy-tip of Barafrica and then submerge under the area known as ‘the Leftnut’ and continue it’s trajectory toward Santa’s house.

 

All meals will be included as well as entertainments, including ice sculpting lessons in the main torpedo tube.

 

The cruise would take, provided there are no accidents, 8 hours and 14 minutes or two days, whichever comes first.  At the end of the cruise, passengers will depart in the Swiss Alps.  Return trip tickets can be found in Elktre chocolate bars and, if you don’t want the chocolate bars, prepare for a long walk home.

Elktre Moussee will be one of the passengers on the maiden voyage, pre-purchase your tickets at http://www.IceStationZebra.barf.com.

Elktre Moussee says, “Come On Board Sailor! All Alcohol is DUTY FREE!”

 

 

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2018 PREDICTIONS

December 29, 2017

by Shee-La Rooney, from the Island of Puffy Faces

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After two bottles of Hennessey,  here’s my predictions for 2018.

This year more Barafricans will be playing Wheel of Fortune with their Barafricos.  Sales of vowels will skyrocket!

 

All the enemies of the new Chief will be exiled to Obscurity–a place from which no one returns.

 

The known snake oil salesman Alias Sobriquet has convinced all Barafricans to exchange their Barafricos and food stores to a virtual crypto-currency called The Bezos. They are so proud of themselves as the captain sails away with all their worldly possessions. As they are starving, they will realize they should have listened to the great Trumpest.

 

The new Chief will build a wall around Barafrica to keep all the Barafricans in.

 

The current NFL will fold due to the fact that 1) no fans 2) no sponsors and finally 3) no players. The league decides to reorganize and open up to new players.

Auditions for the new National Flatulence League.

 

Highlights from THE FUTURE (ol’ Jim could NEVER DO THAT)  of the NFL contest between the Cleveland Cows and the Houston Hippopotamuses.

The Cows:

And the Hippos: https://youtu.be/PSKQ3ZNQ_O8?t=16s

A close contest but the Hippos win.

 

Space aliens are back in the news. Barafrica will be visited by beings from another galaxy.  They will bring gifts of viruses and pestilence and will want in return to eat all the Portuguese.

 

This will be the first Olympics where men and women can select which team they want to be on and what gender they will be representing. This will result in all the women sitting on the benches/sidelines.  Barafrica will not be attending the 2018 winter Olympics as the new Chief will have destroyed Ching Chong in Bing Bong in Norte Kia with just one intense look from his eyes the lightning laser bolts shoot out and vaporize the country. The aliens then will be awarded the land of Norte Kia to use a galactic rest stop, featuring 17 full service restrooms and several strategically located flushing stations and a quickie mart.

 

I will be divorcing Jim as he keeps shoving me into the background and won’t let me speak. It’s no fun to be locked up all the time. Inside me, that’s where I scream. I scream on the inside. What are you looking at bus-man?

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Thank you Shee-La, good luck to you girl and you might want to have someone check out those dead-eyes of yours.

Ian AL Simers,

slightly nervous head honcho  😉

2017 YEAR IN REVIEW

December 29, 2017

By Ian AL Simers, head honcho 😉

The Trumpster brings back beverages once banned by Amabo: grape soda out, Hennesey in.

Here we see the leader of the Muletoes enjoying the first ceremonial drink

 

It has been a profitable 2017 for both the AssStink and Muletoes. The new Chief has brought back prosperity to the land of Barafrica. The followers of the Amabo have not given up so easily however and are constantly spreading lies and misinformation and sedition. The new Chief showed that he will deal with them in his own time. By flood and fire and medical terminal diagnosis he is flushing the government of the imbibed embedded traitors.

This was the year of the great solar eclipse. All of Barafrica went dark but then the new Chief stared at the sun and it came back. Great partying ensued.

Trumpster points skyward demanding Sun to return

 

The Trumpster is pleased with the Sun.

 

More celebrity pedophiles died this year. The National Flatulence League (NFL) sports teams had the worst year ever for viewership/attendance and canceled their Sunday night games.

Jim Rooney had another nervous breakdown spending months isolated in the basement of his mid century bungalow picking at the sores on his face and eating the scabs. He reemerged just in time for the shortest day of the year. This picture was taken as he emerged.

FYI he keeps his extra scabs in a pillbox of his mother’s where he also keeps his toenail clippings

 

It is thought that during his disappearance one of his many personalities was busy torching the entire country of Barafrica burning thousands of villages, farmland, and huts; adding to the already swelling numbers of the hut-less population who now live in their horse drawn wagons in the streets of the sand valley. The governor of the province has declared that this is the new normal with this official statement, “We will be burning the fuck out of the hillsides and prevent you from rebuilding your homes.  Fuck you! We know better than you.  Oh and we be taxing/takin/stealin more of your Barafricos so that you can be broke! But the weather is nice.”

40% of the Barafricans have become sick from the smoke and the burning of the aluminum dust from the weather modifications program to kill the population. Sales of asbestos clothing have skyrocketed.

Ching Chong from Bing Bong in Norte Kia has a missile and has been flinging it. Neighboring countries are worried.

This year was most prosperous and the next year is looking to be also.  Unless some asshat decides to declare war–conventional or unconventional–and then well it’s been real folks!  🙂