Archive for June, 2009

BREAKING NEWS: MICHAEL JACKSON MURDERED

June 28, 2009

GERALDO RIVERA JUST ANNOUNCED ON FOXNEWS THAT MICHAEL JACKSON WAS MURDERED FOR HIS MONEY. WORTH MORE DEAD THAN ALIVE!! NATION OF ISLAM HIRED DOCTOR TO ADMINISTER A LETHAL DOSE OF DEMEROL TO KILL JACKSON, RE-NIG ON CONCERT DATES AND MAKE MILLIONS FOR THEM. FAMILY DEVASTED AND CLAIMS HE WAS GIVEN A LETHAL DOSE OF MORPHINE. DOCTOR TO-ME TOME INSTRUCTED TO OVERDOSE JACKSON, DOCTOR HAS CONFESSED TO POLICE UNDER HEAVING QUESTIONING. JESSIE JACKSON AGREES WITH CONSPIRACY. DOCTOR MURRAYS ATTORNEY DENIES CLAIM OF WRONG-DOING.

ON ANOTHER UNRELATED INVESTIGATION, HOSPITAL WORKERS DISCOVERED AFTER M. JACKASSON WAS PRONOUNCED DEAD 6 GERBILS CRAWLED OUT HIS ASS.

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Michael Jackasson Bids Farewell To Billy Maize

June 28, 2009

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“Hi, I’m Billy Maize, and I’m DEAD! Call in the next three minutes and I’ll personally triple your order!..But wait there’s more!… oh, no not really, I’m dead got hit in the head!”

Hi! I'm Billy's EAR!

Hi! I'm Billy's EAR!

By Mia Sodamayor, reporter-in-training-pants; World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

Michael Jackasson apologized profusely after being found in an airplane restroom with a sink full of water blowing Bubbles and scrubbing himself with Oxeeklean. When questioned by airport security, Mr. Jackasson admitted that it was his personal supply of Demerol bottles that repeatedly struck Mr. Maize on the head while the plane was experiencing a blowout on landing–similar to what was happening to Bubbles in the restroom. After leaving the aircraft, Mr. Maize thought he was hit on the head by ACORN, but then he found out he’d just been banged in the head with Michael’s nuts and some crazy chimpanzee hurling turds at him. Luckily Maize seatmate was sitting on blanket which elevated him out of the area of impact.

Hey stay away from ME!

HERE COMES SOME MORE SHIT!

Coca-cola is initiating a lawsuit against Mr. Jackasson over the use of the term “King Of Pop” and his flaming affiliation with Pepsi. I agree since my name is Sodamayor which in the Barafrican language means “Major Soda” so I know what I’m talking about.

It has been a sad week for those born in 1958, we have lost the ultimate icon of our generation–Billy Maize. That damn Jackasson and the Muleatto tribe!

NASA LAUNCHES ROCKET TO BLOW UP THE MOON

June 22, 2009

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By IAN AL Simers 🙂 spacemodulator

You read the headline correctly! NASA, our fantabulous space department, has launched a rocket and plans on blowing a hole in the moon! Read all about it here.  With all our country’s current financial difficulties WHO THE HELL APPROVED THIS MISSION? WHAT ARE THESE ‘SCIENTISTS’ THINKING? Supposedly this ‘explosion’ on the moon is to help NASA figure out if there is WATER ON THE MOON! All I can say is, you NASA people must get really good drugs on your salaries because your brains are now MUSHY-MUSH!

 


NATIVES SOUND OFF IN COURT

June 17, 2009
Oh you so do NOT want to mess with US!

Oh you so do NOT want to mess with US!

by J. Olsen, cub-reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis

The native inhabitants of Barafrica are suing the AMABO  and his spawn, Sheeneequa and Mudflaps. (The dogs were grown just like synthetic earlobes on large rats. The AMABO has sex with anything and will raise the result.) The AssStink Tribe is being systematically removed from their tribal lands in the Kingdom of Wipes in central Barafrica by the AMABO who insists that they either bend over and take it in the ass or get out!

Chief Dog-Breaking-Wind, his wife Festering-Toe-Corn, their children Draining-Abcess, Torn-Anal-Fistula, Smegma-Smile, could not be be reached for comment because the courtroom had erupted into a giant ACORN fight. Their tribal attorney, Ape-Throwing-Shit, Esq., enlisted the help of the Department of Dangling Gonads where the chief director, Peter Gerbil-In-My-Colostomy-Bag, is confident that this case is a “slam-dung.”

I will keep you all posted with any updates in this intense and groundbreaking courtroom drama.

NEW OBAMA BUMPER STICKERS . . . JUST RELEASED!

June 3, 2009

After experiencing just the first 100 days of our new regime, uh oops, administration, many Americans are now revising the Obama stickers still attached to their vehicles etc. Here are just a few! Welcome to the ObamaNation people! Barafrica is here!

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