Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,400 times in 2011. If it were a cable car, it would take about 23 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

The All Powerful Mikey-Way!

By Jim Roon AKA Randy

In an unprecedented candid interview, the AMABO has put the galaxy on official notice.  Watch this exclusive video:

The AMABO communicated his new plan to charge a re-entry fee (with penalties of course) to anything re-entering Earth’s atmosphere and with the proceeds from this he would reverse the plummeting economy of Barafrica. Chief Ass Breaking Wind witnessed this announcement and said, “This no good. I hate grape soda!”.

Helloooooooooooooooo!

Reported in the “Barafrican Journal”  by Jim Roon aka Randy

Let's all play "Where's Sayleer?"!

While this seems odd to me, the Chief has always given sound advice.  This will work to exterminate bedbugs.

Editor’s note: Thanks Jim for another great submission.  I spoke with an extermination expert who recommended ‘Bedlam’. Just ask for it by name at your local home improvement center. Be sure to follow the package directions carefully.–Ian AL Simers, head honcho

Stand back, I am a professional!

Bedlam, it's what is waiting for them!

Photo entitled 'Hangover Oak on a dewy morn'

by Salvacion Maria Dolly; pictures courtesy Melinda Ryan

I couldn’t be more sick and tired of all the to-do over this Anzel Addams.   History has been way too kind to this guy.   It’s time the whole sobering story was told.   Forget everything you ever have read about him.   Read these words now and you can believe them later.

Addams was a hopeless bum and drunkard.   Only someone with no responsibilities at all would have the time to sit in the forest and take pictures.   All you hear is that he was a genius with light and texture.   If you haven’t noticed, the forest is a beautiful place!   It doesn’t matter what time of day, you’ll get a great photo.

Now, this Addams fella was what we would nowadays call an indigent homeless, scum-sucking, fudge-packing, dirtbag .   He would hang around in state parks and rummage though the dumpsters and chemical toilets for discarded table scraps, partially digested food found near public restrooms and vomitoriums and soiled Depends, not unlike Yogi bear.  These things might be bear-proof but they aren’t Anzel proof! All the campers thought that a bear got into the cooler or picnic basket, when in reality it was Anzel. He even left some scat to cover his thefts. Oh, and of course any and all liquor/beer would be taken.

He had no problem with sleeping arrangements since he could get all the camping equipment he needed the same way he got the food.

Exclusive: Addams taking a 'nap'!

So all he did was hang out and take pictures.

Now here is the most revealing fact about him.   How he decided when it was the perfect time to take the picture.   You won’t believe this.   The bum was a hopeless drunk.   He would take a bottle of whatever hooch he heisted and head off to a hilltop or meadow.   He’d guzzle that hooch until he passed out.   The first thing he did when he came-to was to grab his bulb release and squeeze.

That’s it!!!

That’s how he decided when to take the perfect photo.

The one with the perfect light.

The one with the perfect composition.

The one with the perfect texture.

It was his private secret and he got the biggest kick out of how flatlanders thought he had some gift or something.

Well there it is.

Time to rewrite the history books.

Heck, if I had that much time I could do the same thing.

Sorry to burst the bubble but that’s the way I see it.

Family and friends made many many attempts to get Addams into rehab. None of them were successful.

Addams at his first rehab clinic.

His alcoholism and poor hygiene took it’s toll on him in the end.

One of his last self-portrait shots

Alcoholism is a very bad thing. Poor Anzel suffered greatly from being chewed on by the forest critters while he was passed out. WARNING GRAPHIC!!!!!

He suffered greatly for his 'art'

I personally have two photos in my collection of him. The first one was taken the morning after his gallery opening. He would often take the money he got for his ‘art’ and spend it on a night of bar-hopping in the homo district. He would always wake up in an alley with a headache and a bleeding rectum.

Another successful gallery opening!

This second picture is of my 5th cousin 3rd removed and Addams after about 60 shots. Addams won that competition. He isn’t looking at the camera because by that age  he was already legally blind from a lifetime of drinking cheap hooch!

Ah, good times, good times.

On February 11, 2010 the president of IRAN Armygeeniedad, will disclose and distribute videos of the missile hitting the pentagon, he also has several recordings of Blair and Bush discussing the event 5 days prior to 911.

This includes pictures of the interior of the EMPTY jets hitting the twin towers.

This is expected to kick off the second half of the civil war.

updates to follow

OH MY!
Ian AL Simers
I’ve pooped myself!

BE SURE TO WEAR A VINYL PONCHO!

When The Shit Hits The Fan!

By reporter Jim Roon aka Randy

10am Barafrican time;

Magnitude 9.6 earthquake!

 

The IckyPooPoo Volcano

The Great Statue of AMABO

 

Chief breaking wind has just released the tale of the torn fistula. “After the vision of the truck nuts I was told that the fistula will tear in the sky and bathe the land in a red rain” .   Shortly thereafter, an odd red rain began to fall and government officials recommended placing the government issued Depends over your head.   This prompted the locals to rebel against the government calling and chanting “shit heads”.  

more to follow….

Good work Jim Roon! I won’t be answering the phone anymore though.

–Ian Al Simers, truly depressed

Oh my aching head and shoulders!

By Reporter666

Honolulu, HI. Rush Limbaugh was rushed to the emergency room at HanaLiki-liki Memorial Hospital yesterday complaining of severe chest pain. Coincidentally, the AMABO and his spawn were in Honolulu on vacation from destroying the world. They were spotted on the beach and the AMABO was holding a straw doll that had a huge pin sticking out of it’s chest. Then he threw the doll into the surf, laughed hysterically and screamed “Beck, you’re next.”

Rush’s condition is still unknown at this time. Doctors can find no physical reason for his excruciating stabbing chest pain. Good thing for Rush that the AMABO’s health care package has not been implemented or he would be dead.

Since the AMABO like dolls, hey America, let’s send the AMABO some belated Xmas gifts: Kachina dolls! Buy them here. It is a known fact that Kachinas can hold evil spirits/disease and will pass it on to whomever possesses the doll.

This reporter won’t even include a picture of a doll for fear of cursing you readers. If you are brave enough you can click the above links and read all about it.

Hi all, and look what I have found on You Tube! These videos are sure to make you laugh til you burst your guts wide open and they are all FOR REAL! The person featured in the video is truly special.

That’s right. That’s right. I said it and I say it! Merry Christmas everybody!

It has been one heck of a roller coaster year for our beleaguered country. 2009 is ending and 2010 is just around the corner. What will this new year hold in store for us? Will the tribes people of Barafrica ever be freed from the crushing rule of the AMABO? Will his offspring, Sheneequa and Mudflaps, rain terror upon the world? Will anyone buy Gabe’s cock? Will the drunkard animal lover in Williams find a new friend in reporter J. Rooney?

Answers to these and many more questions will have to wait as father time ticks down the hours and minutes to the final stroke of midnight and the new year will begin.

I think this photograph pretty well sums up my sentiments for this past year of 2009. Perhaps you feel the same.

SO LONG 2009!