Reporter Randy Earl
For immediate release
(Barafrican bureau)
On February 11, 2010 the president of IRAN Armygeeniedad, will disclose and distribute videos of the missile hitting the pentagon, he also has several recordings of Blair and Bush discussing the event 5 days prior to 911.
This includes pictures of the interior of the EMPTY jets hitting the twin towers.
This is expected to kick off the second half of the civil war.
updates to follow
OH MY!
Ian AL Simers
I’ve pooped myself! 
By Jim Roon AKA Randy
1-27-10
For immediate release.
I have been inundated with calls if this quake is the one http://www.infp.ro/ro/ . Yes that is a large quake today in China (8.6), but the 9.6 is still coming. I will be doing a channel today with all the plugins and expect to release the evacuation reports this weekend. It is a good time to go skiing in the maountains with extra supplies.
So Long Stoopid Amerlikens!
Whee! My randing is cushioned by all bodies of dead Amelicans!
Energy release imminent. Full rights given to distribute this release.
****************************************
Thanks Jim. I am already 5 steps ahead of you.
–Ian Al Simers, head honcho 
BE SURE TO WEAR A VINYL PONCHO!
By reporter Jim Roon aka Randy
The IckyPooPoo Volcano
The Great Statue of AMABO
Good work Jim Roon! I won’t be answering the phone anymore though.
Oh my aching head and shoulders!
By Reporter666
Honolulu, HI. Rush Limbaugh was rushed to the emergency room at HanaLiki-liki Memorial Hospital yesterday complaining of severe chest pain. Coincidentally, the AMABO and his spawn were in Honolulu on vacation from destroying the world. They were spotted on the beach and the AMABO was holding a straw doll that had a huge pin sticking out of it’s chest. Then he threw the doll into the surf, laughed hysterically and screamed “Beck, you’re next.”
Rush’s condition is still unknown at this time. Doctors can find no physical reason for his excruciating stabbing chest pain. Good thing for Rush that the AMABO’s health care package has not been implemented or he would be dead.
Since the AMABO like dolls, hey America, let’s send the AMABO some belated Xmas gifts: Kachina dolls! Buy them here. It is a known fact that Kachinas can hold evil spirits/disease and will pass it on to whomever possesses the doll.
This reporter won’t even include a picture of a doll for fear of cursing you readers. If you are brave enough you can click the above links and read all about it.
By Ian Al Simers, head honcho
That’s right. That’s right. I said it and I say it! Merry Christmas everybody!
It has been one heck of a roller coaster year for our beleaguered country. 2009 is ending and 2010 is just around the corner. What will this new year hold in store for us? Will the tribes people of Barafrica ever be freed from the crushing rule of the AMABO? Will his offspring, Sheneequa and Mudflaps, rain terror upon the world? Will anyone buy Gabe’s cock? Will the drunkard animal lover in Williams find a new friend in reporter J. Rooney?
Answers to these and many more questions will have to wait as father time ticks down the hours and minutes to the final stroke of midnight and the new year will begin.
I think this photograph pretty well sums up my sentiments for this past year of 2009. Perhaps you feel the same.
SO LONG 2009!
IT STILL SMELLS OF SULFUR! HAIL SATAN!
UNITED NATIONS –Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez addressed the U.N. after Obama stepped down and said, “It still smells like sulfur.” There was an audible gasp from the collected diplomats in the assembly as Hugo Chavez rushed off the podium to be with his Satanic brother. Will the evil ever stop?
Wake up People!
ARE YOU GETTING THE MESSAGE AMERICA?
By Ian Al Simers
Hi folks. I stumbled upon this gem while perusing the internet. I have posted it for your amusement. I hope you don’t pee your pants laughing, unfortunately, I did. Enjoy!
Beautiful Downtown Williams
On Monday October 5 the evacuation order for the Twin fire (in the Kaibab National Forest) near Williams, Arizona was lifted, making it possible for 64 families (the entire population of greasy spot Williams) to return to their homes. Sunday’s strong winds were no match for the firefighters that kept the fire to the 1,000 that had already burned. Also they do not expect any additional growth of the fire, which is “10 to 15 percent contained”. The weeks weather is expected to be cooler and drier with slight winds.
Janet says:
Gusty winds have been in the forecast for a week – so what group of criminally incompetent government morons used taxpayer money to set this?
be a man says:
I thought it was started by bulls balls saller
October 5, 6:41 PM
Tito says:
exactly Janet, you arent supposed to question the USFS even if their incompetent managers nearly burn 64 families out of their homes.
October 5, 8:08 PM
Nex Preeze says:
It was started by someone with a Williams PO Box 666!
It was Satan, to keep his children warm; the same Satan that runs our government now. Quick, everyone put on your tinfoil hats! Protect yourself from the evil digital airwaves and espresso! If you are small in stature and have many hemorrhoids, buy mini-donuts.
October 5, 11:49 PM
be a man says:
You don’t get it, the govt is systematically poisoning everyone. the fires are to cause fear in the mountain men, with their deer heads and tractors, made em run like little girls, but all are safe with the 666 man.
October 5, 11:54 PM
Nex Preeze says:
HEY! Didn’t anyone know that a prerequisite to USFS is to be a convicted arsonist?
Hey, Be A Man (Do you have balls?), what is best for my tinfoil hat? I use Reynolds Wrap but I was thinking of switching to the Wal-Mart brand. What kind do you use? I use Panda Tampons from Wal-mart for my hemorrhoids what do you use?
October 5, 11:58 PM
be a man says:
Well that wall mart chinee shit is bad for you. I use the store brand for my walls and ceiling, it saved me when the incompetent govt workers flushed the sewer lines outside my house and ejected 2 tons of shit all over the bathrooms and flowed out to the street. everything wiped down nicely because of the foil. it was full of fortune cookies!!! ahhhh
October 6, 12:04 AM
Nex Preeze says:
Hey, Be A Man, you aren’t talking about the fires no more. I think I will because I am farting fire from the jalapenos I ate earlier. It is sure good to be back in my double-wide after that big fire scare. All my neighbors came back too, including the FREAK that wears a donut costume ALL THE TIME just because he owns a coffee shop in town. He is always drunk and is a real creep. He doesn’t bathe either!
October 6, 12:09 AM
be a man says:
Well wilma i be givin’ a hoot you be back in your tin can crap hole. Oh and I prefer to cut my ‘roids
October 6, 12:10 AM
be a man says:
and you shut up about my takin a good cleanin! I bathe with the pregnant goat
October 6, 12:13 AM
Nex Preeze says:
Oh you are SICK! YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY ANIMALS! THEM ANIMALS IS FOR MY STORE!
I will prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law!
YOU FELON, GOAT-LOVIN’, STINKY BALL-SELLIN’ GAY PAROLEE!
COME TO Dara Thai Cafe WHERE THE MEAT IS ALWAYS FRESH!
October 6, 12:25 AM
be a man says:
hey wilma where you at? cant see you through my seeing glass no more. oh and I will send the offspring of my love child
October 6, 12:25 AM
Nex Preeze says:
I ain’t telling you! But I know where you at! But I will meet you tomorrow, back of your JD’s Espresso in the old motel parking lot and we’ll have a booger flickin’ contest and then we’ll really settle this like men! We’ll have an old fashioned farting contest and see how many donuts we can fire-fart through. Loser has to eat them or sell them whichever comes first!
ARE YOU UP TO THE CHALLENGE?
October 6, 12:30 AM
pearl says:
hey wilma that smoke all got up in my drapes, can I borrow your heffer to lick them clean
October 6, 12:31 AM
pearl says:
oh I forgot, I’ll need yer goat to eat the heffer turds
October 6, 12:32 AM
Wilma says:
No but I’ll send JD over to collect them. He smears them all over his body, says it keeps him alive.
October 6, 12:33 AM
pearl says:
oh yes I forgot, I love the chocolate chip donuts
October 6, 12:34 AM
Wilma says:
Thankfully our little piece of paradise in the ass-crack of the United States is once again a safe place for drunkards, biker gangs, tweakers and my neighbor JD’s beastiality exploits on the front lawn. Yes, we are home again. You can spot JD at our next rodeo, he’ll be the one riding the goat and hugging the sheep.
October 6, 12:40 AM
By Reporter666
WASHINGTON, D.C. In his nationally televised speech on Wednesday, September 9, 2009 (9-9-09; I think I see a relation to … 666! and how appropriate for AMABO to make a speech on such an EVIL day) to the joint houses of the Senate and Representatives, the president openly admitted to telling a lie. He had just stated that illegal immigrants would not be eligible for his health care program and then his next statement was, “That is a lie” and then he coolly and calmly finished his speech. Reactions of congress ranged from shocked disbelief to absolute agreement.
The citizens, however, were not surprised and were awakened from the spell that the AMABO had cast upon them. They organized themselves and marched on the capitol on September 12, 2009 to let their voices be heard.
Unfortunately, the AMABO was conveniently out of town that day addressing a coven in Minneapolis.
Meanwhile, in the parking lot, a lot of vehicles sporting AMABO bumper stickers were found to have spawned a new one:
Which one of you ate my brain?
By Mouseé Tongue, cub-reporter, China Bureau, World Daily Planet News
http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5jUcqst3ZW9cVVaQV7XKG3y8SYSIg
In an unprecedented event, a woman who purchased the Thriller DVD of the late Michael Jackson was beaten to death and then eaten outside of a Wal-Mart by store employees. She tried to phone for help, but her calls to police were ignored. The employees all received big bonuses for their patriotic work and support of the Chinese Communist Party Free Trade Policy plus one year’s supply of blood sausage and a voucher for a free kidney.
Wash Her Down With Johnny Walker Black!
This comes on the heels of China announcing it’s foreclosure on the United States of America on September 20, 2009, when the Chinese Communist Flag will be raised at the AMABO white house. China’s new trade policy is: purchasing anything made in the USA is punishable by immediate death by any means available. However, after September 20, anything currently made in North America will be labeled Made In China. Also the United States of America will be hereby known as the United Slaves of China. Everyone get your Little Red Book! This is all according to the prophesy of Chinese Astrology.
TRANSLATION: FORECLOSURE NOTICE!
THOSE SNEAKY CHINEEZE!
NO NEED TO RSVP! THE AMABO WILL SPEAK FOR ALL!
http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2009-07/13/content_8422505.htm
China’s national flag to go up in White House on Sept 20
By Hou Lei (chinadaily.com.cn)
Updated: 2009-07-13 16:45
The national flag of the People’s Republic of China (PRC) will be hoisted at the South Lawn of the White House in Washington on September 20, media reported Sunday.
Chinese associations in the United States had applied to hold a ceremony in front of the US President’s residence to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the founding of PRC.
Chen Ronghua, chairman of Fujian Association of the United States, told reporters that their application was approved not only because of the sound Sino-US relations but also because China is a responsible country.
“Many Americans admire China due to the success of last year’s Beijing Olympics,” said Chen.
More than 1,000 people will attend the ceremony and the performances held after it, according to Zhao Luqun, who will direct the performances.
Zhao said the performances will demonstrate the friendship, magnanimous spirit and kindness of modern Chinese people.
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING ON A LIGHTER NOTE:
PANDA JOKE OF THE DAY
A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for the food!”
The panda yells back, “Hey, man, I’m a panda. Look it up!”
The bartender opens his dictionary to panda: “A tree-climbing mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring.
Eats shoots and leaves.”
HAVE A HAPPY SUPERLUCKY DAY!
by G. Santos, reporter World Daily Planet News
In light of the recent expose of the chicken industry where PETA discovered that chicken ranches were disposing of male chicks by dropping them alive into a grinder (http://apnews.myway.com/article/20090901/D9AEI2F01.html AP Exclusive: Video shows chicks ground up alive), a new kind of entrepreneur has emerged in the SF Bay area.
I have uncovered an ad on Craigslist that is offering a most unusual item. It is billed in SF as:
DELICIOUS GABE COCK
100% homo-genized gay chickens; never exposed to females (human or hen) or estrogen! The ultimate fudge packer aphrodisiac known for centuries in ancient China. Throw away the Viagra, eat Gabe’s Faggot Cocks! Raised 100% organically at the Los Banos YMCA.
Save a chick, Eat Gabe’s Cock!
Gay Cock for only $5. Endorsed by Peta, so you know you are saving these poor creatures from a horrible death!
Gabe’s Pet Cock for sale $5! Perfect gift for your boyfriend!
Why let a perfectly good cock go to waste? Keep it a week and watch it grow! Then eat Gabe’s cock!
I contacted Gabe and was told that my ‘package’ would be Fed-Ex’d overnight to me. The shipping was $83.00 plus the original $5 for the ‘item’. When it arrived, I opened the box to find a half-dead baby chick. I followed the written instructions that came in the box and promptly added 1/4 cup orange juice and 1 cup vodka to my blender, stirred it up for 1 minute, and then dropped in the chick and set the blender to puree for 2 minutes. Shut off the blender and drank my chick. That was one expensive cock-tale.
Ah, c'mon that was funny, I don't care who you are!
By reporter666
TACOS, NM. In a secret underground bunker, the two Timmy’s finally met. I have exclusive access to the yet-to-be broadcast dialog/exchange between Timothy Geitner and Timmy (that’s pronounced T-I-M-M-A-E) from South Park. Here is an excerpt:
TIMMAE!
Huh?
TIMMAE?
Yes.
The ISLE of GILLIGAN
By G. Santos, reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis
My sources have revealed that popular talk show host, Glenn Beck, was held in a re-edumacation camp for the past two weeks on the remote Isle of Gilligan at the southwest tip of Barafrica until his rescue.
Mr. Beck was forced to work during the day in the fields growing high cholesterol foods and was nightly tortured by Smith Sheparhd by being forced to eat Sheparhd’s fungus infected toenail clippings. Beck’s captors did not use water boarding, but instead used water ballooning–where the victim runs back and forth in a confined space while being pummeled with water balloons that not only soaks the victim’s $1,000 outfit but also totally ruins the ‘do.
Beck’s rescue was funded and supplied by the great folks at Clorox, CVS, Wal-Mart, and Sprint to name just a few. Additional funding for Mr. Beck’s rescue came from the Stimulus Bailout Package and the Reinvestment Act of 2009.
The Rescue Boat
His rescue team was made up from the best America has to offer: Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Payne, Patrick Henry, Benjamin Franklin, Ronald Reagan and Sarah Palin on shotgun. In addition there was Jane Russell (the movie star), Howard Hughes (the millionaire), Joseph Hazelwood (the Exxon Valdez skipper), and Judas (because there is always at least one).
Glenn's fellow political prisioners
See...I told you! There is ALWAYS at least one JUDAS!
Since his harrowing experience on the island and his daring rescue, Mr. Beck has been reunited with his family and has returned to his syndicated radio show and his television show on FOX News and is none the worse for wear. In fact, when questioned by this reporter about the incident, Mr. Beck denied it ever happened. I, Geraldo Santos, understand that anyone would block out such a horrific memory and want to move on. You go, Glenn!
UH OH WE FORGOT ABOUT GAMMA RAYS! LOOKS LIKE WE NEED A BIGGER BOAT!
By C. Kent, reporter, World Daily Planet News, Metropolis
On the heels of a depressing report on the high mercury content in our nation’s streams and rivers and the fish living in those streams, the AMABO has ordered NASA to take up a new and more ambitious project in addition to blowing up the earth’s moon (see NASA LAUNCHES ROCKET TO BLOW UP THE MOON). NASA is now taking up fish farming in space! Inside the next shuttle launch will be hundreds of fish tanks filled with babies of all species of fish. When the shuttle reaches earth orbit, the tanks will be released and tethered to the space station. The occupants of the space station will be responsible for feeding the fish and cleaning the tanks. The shuttle crew will be responsible for harvesting the catch and bringing it back to earth for processing. The harvest will be featured on next season’s The Deadliest Catch.
Hi there! Zero Gravity Is Fun!
On another note, people of color should refrain from eating contaminated fish from earth especially white sea bass as they could suffer the same fate as Michael Jackson as he consumed tons of this fish and ultimately turned into a white woman and then died due to the fact that the compact fluorescent in his head blew up. And now his brain is being studied by the U.S. Fish and Game Department. Welfare recipients around the nation are being denied benefits because they have turned white overnight because they ate too much government canned tuna. We are currently investigating the effects of government cheese and will report our findings.
Oh look some bail out money!
Also due to the increased lethal levels in our nation’s fish, the AMABO has now ordered every manufacturer of light bulbs to use fish inside instead of compact fluorescent powder so that when the bulb dies you can eat it or donate it to a shelter under AMABO’S Feed American Program.
Oh Yeah! This should be easy!
